2016

Crunchy Snow Steps

The days are long, but the weeks are short. That’s how the saying goes, right? The months are short too. Someone requested a coffee date recently, and as I looked at my calendar, I realized I would need to schedule out into February. FEBRUARY! January is flying by.

I have a January birthday, and I think it is one of the most sustaining things that helps me survive this month. Once that birthday passes though, I desire to whiz right by and move into late March. Please bring me those 55 degree days with blue skies and t-shirts. I tried to eat my lunch outside earlier this afternoon, and I froze. The sun may be out, but yes, it is still January. I am thankful that I am not drowning in snow right now like those on the East coast.

Oh wait, for those living in Colorado, we DID get one of those 55 degree days on Saturday. It was delightful. I wore patterned pants and a black t-shirt to my favorite brewery in Northern Colorado. I invited friends from many stages of life to come together and share a brew, laugh and soak up the rays as I celebrated another trip around the sun. This mismatched group of people who came to celebrate with me bring so much beauty to my life.

On Friday I got to eat at a new restaurant with my family- the foodie in me was delighted by the charming presentation that The Farmhouse at Jessup Farms delivers. This restaurant literally has a nook under the stairs that you are encouraged to sit at while you wait for your table. Cozy throw blankets and pillows are paired with wooden benches and beautifully lit brick walls that made me feel as if I was eating out of an extravagantly comfortable living room. Well done to the team that has created such an inviting and inspirational place to eat and experience community. I loved reminiscing about my year that just passed. This restaurant truly is a beautiful place.

Hard to believe last Monday was a holiday as well. I had the day off from work, and invited my mom to join me on an adventure up to the mountains. She had never been snowshoeing, and I am discovering this is one of my new favorite pass times. As we entered into Rocky Mountain National Park I started to doubt our excursion. Wind! So much wind was blowing snow across the winding roads. When I parked the car at the trailhead I was worried we may blow away – strong gusts threatened to trap me as my car door slammed shut with force. I may be a Colorado native, but I have a propensity to chicken out when weather sucks, or in this case blows. I bow out with the excuse of, “Hey, I can always go next weekend.” The chances of the weather improving in the next seven days are high.

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We got out of the car, and I shared a knowing glance with my mom from behind the trunk of my SUV. We weren’t going to give up after making the trek out there, not this time. We strapped on our snow shoes, buttoned up our coats, and started stomping our way through the beautifully crunchy snow.  I forget how absolutely refreshing it can be to be outdoors. These monstrous mountains are literally in my backyard, and I take them for granted as they blend into the scenery of my life.

We took step after step, sometimes losing our balance, other times laughing as we slid down small drifts, and made our way across the frozen mountain lake. I stood five steps ahead of my mom,  threw my face to the sky, and whispered a breath of thanks to the giver in the universe. Thanks that I get to live here, that I have the means to walk, thanks that I can spend time with my mom, to celebrate, and to most of all, keep taking steps.

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I’ve been mentally challenged this month, to give myself grace, compassion, patience, and love as I take steps while acclimating to my new job. For those of you who have been following along in January, you know I’ve been writing about my fears of isolation, and loss of previous relationship, and the great “what if this doesn’t bring fulfillment” question I give so much anxious energy to. I’m learning in these spaces of mountain air and festivity, that I need to work on me first and to allow all of these emotions to move through. Give myself the space and grace to keep taking steps. Even when you are crunching along, there are processes and people and air, beautiful mountain air, to support you.

 

Burritos with my Brother

Chicken Mole. Beans. Cheese. Corn Salsa. Potato. Onions. Guac. Ranch.

These ingredients make up my burrito of choice from Big City Burrito, the iconic, border-line gross, burrito joint in my town. I’ve been getting the same thing for fifteen years. You know how everyone has their favorite greasy spoon restaurant that you went to in college, or maybe when you were growing up? If it was your turn to pick the restaurant for family night out, or teachers overheard you in the hall on your way off campus, all the adults would groan and hold their stomach. They simply couldn’t handle the combination of such complex grease in one place.

That is Big City Burrito. They wrap up delicious concoctions of meat and queso and literally use a caulking gun to squirt sour cream and guacamole onto your tortillas before wrapping your treat in foil and handing you your meal in a plastic bag. This place still has the ‘Phat Tuesday’ deal – a potato burrito and drink for less than five dollars. College kids flock to the place. Take that Subway.

I hadn’t ventured into the small storefront off of the smelly alleyway in a few years. So when I asked my brother to eat dinner with me this week, I knew this was the place we would have to dine. Could my over twenty five year old stomach handle the mixture of spice, sauce, and delicious grease?

My brother and I are three years apart. In the last few years we haven’t had the chance to spend as much time together as I would like. Becoming adults has been challenging, and learning how to invite my brother into my own journey, while he invites me into his hasn’t been perfect. We work at it, and we know we continue to love one another, but it is a goal of mine to be more intentional in spending time adventuring with him in our own little town.

As I walked up to the steamed windows and texted my brother  to see if he had arrived before me, I was struck by a moment of pure happiness. I stepped in line behind a group of sweaty nineteen year old boys and my heart swarmed. I get to eat dinner with my brother! This is beautiful progress.

Eventually, he joined me, making his way through the crowd of hungry people. We got in line, ordered our food, and caught up as we pulled pieces of foil away to uncover our sloppy dinner. At one point in our conversation, I looked across the table into the restaurant, and I said, “I think we are the oldest people in here.” We groaned, and said we hoped our stomachs could handle it. Surrounded by college kids, stuck in a corner table with my husband and my brother, and three monstrous concoctions of Mexican food, I felt content. Spending time rebuilding relationship is a beautiful thing.

Mess of the Middle

Whew. I’m exhausted. Being that it is a Monday evening, most would say that is not a good sign. I’ve got mixed feelings, because this kind of exhaustion results from productivity and the after effects of throwing myself into new learning situations. Starting anything new can be taxing.  I spent the first week of 2016 jumping into a new job, and continue the diligent work of learning new tasks and databases. I hope to lay the groundwork for new relationships. I have spent so much time thinking about tone of voice communicating in email. Do I need a formal introduction to this brief question about business cards? Do I send the emoji with this instant-message and do I insert a joke here or there or wait….. until I come out of my shell – as the infamous extroverts ask of me. For some, this process of new may be invigorating and easy. Me, I need to ease.

As we complete the first week of 2016 I challenge you to ask the questions of Jonathan Fields, ‘What am I cultivating that is new and challenging? What am I maintaining that is rewarding, and what do I simply need to let go of?’ I had a friend send me a podcast by Jonathan Fields sharing his exercise on finishing out the year. I encourage you to take some time to listen to his advice on “Closing the Books”  . This podcast promotes a beautiful pondering experience that I turned into a journal prompt. His questions allowed me to process 2015 – to get my grievances and successes out on paper. Thank you, Jonathan, for reminding me that while our past influences our present, we get to choose to what extent that rings true.

I’ve been pretty stuck in my head the last few days, and am trying to remember to breathe, to meditate, to stop and drink some water while the thoughts of this new chapter swirl around in my head. Authors are supposed to catch the audiences’ attention within the first chapter of a book, or readers get lost, bored, lose interest. If I am viewing 2016 as a brand new book – this week’s first chapter has me hooked. What will continue to unfold as I try to negotiate these new routines, duties, evolutions of me?

Today I am awed by the beautiful cotton candy sunsets that the Colorado skies provide. It IMG_3350may be freezing outside, but the melding oranges and pinks soothe my soul as the sun dips beneath the snowy mountains across the way.

Too, I got a card of encouragement in the mail from my best friend from college. Snail mail is such a beautiful, delightful treat. Or maybe I should call her correspondence whale mail, as the card was covered in charming little gold whales with happy tails and bursting blow holes. It means a lot to me to have love written down and send with intention from town to town.

What beauty will you find when you wrap up your year and turn to face the new? Are you feeling delighted or overwhelmed? Supported or disconnected? Or maybe, like me, living a little bit in the beautiful mess of the middle.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Confession. I have had a cookie for breakfast every day for the last thirty-one days.

If I’m being really honest with you, the streak is likely over forty days in a row.

Gingerbread, pecan bars, ginger biscotti, and shortbread have been how I have started my nutritious days for the last five delicious weeks. For someone who doesn’t normally eat breakfast, these calories first thing in the morning may be an improvement to my diet. For those trying to be aware of sugar, not so much applause.

Currently I have three gingerbread cookies left in the jar. They require gnawing on them to soften – imagine a toddler with a teething biscuit of sorts. That’s me, sucking on the last remnants of Christmas treats as I navigated my drive to work last week. Oh, yes, another bad habit; breakfast in the car. I am sad Christmas cookies are gone. We packed up the ornaments, and the mantle is now filled with ordinary candles. Our gifts are put away and our calendars for 2016 are hanging on the wall.

Despite the passing festive season, I embrace 2016 with open arms. It feels quite freeing to have a new year upon us. 2015  was a year of growth for me – upheaval that was brought upon by my own positive choices and I navigated moving, and jobs, and relationships. My hope for 2016 is to be open to new while creating new roots. I need to branch out on my own to start to make new connections, create new routines, build my own adventure.

Remember those choose your own adventure books? To fight the troll, go to pg 45. To run away from the troll, go to pg 63. Sometimes, life feels like that. I am lucky enough to have so many choices and options in how I spend my days and where I invest my life. So as the book of 2016 just gets started I feel I have been presented with these options:

  • To start a new job in a different field turn to page 5 – I started this new opportunity today.
  • To start a new hobby turn to page 25
  • To build new relationships turn to page 47
  • To go camping turn to page 87

 

The heroine of this story will continue to share what she finds.

This week’s beauty was found in the closure of previous chapters. Of saying good bye to old stomping grounds, and coworkers and coffee carts. I finished up my job at the museum, and cried in the parking lot because I feel I am leaving behind something wonderful. While my time there may have been short, I do feel I grew immensely, and loved the people I worked with. You know my fear about leaving people behind in the “You do You” process? That is what those tears were about.

Never the less, I felt such an impending OPENNESS as I watched the ball drop at midnight. This year feels brand new in a way other years haven’t previously. I want to cultivate this beautiful feeling of option, and pray the universe continues to fill it with positive light.

I spent New Year’s Day dining at my grandmother’s house. She served up a traditional holiday meal and as our gold china forks broke into perfectly pink ham I posed the question, “Do you feel you’ve found your purpose yet?” Answers varied as we ‘pop-corned’ around the table, but I was struck by my grandmother’s answer. She said, “I’ve served my purpose and then some.” Her response was sort of sad in tone, as if she felt her best years were behind her. What came from that emotion-filled retort, however, was an outpouring of stories I had never heard her share.

Stories of her own adventure:

To hear about her memories of blackouts in Chicago during WWII turn to page 150.

To hear about the boss that chased her around the desk while being frisky in a Chicago high-rise, turn to page 212.

To hear about her nice boss that bought her fabulous Christmas gifts and most likely was gay in the 1960’s, turn to page 275.

To hear about her adventures raising my mom and my aunts and uncle, turn to page 315.

I am blown away by the beauty that results from the choices we make each day, and I am thankful, oh so thankful, for the beautiful time I get to spend with my grandmother last year, this year, and beyond. Thank you for letting me be a part of your adventure.

Our purpose, perhaps, is just that. To be loved, to listen, to seek beauty, to adventure.

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Next week I will have an update with how much biscotti was made in 2015. I used a lot of nail polish, read 43 books, and reached over 13,000 pages towards my annual goal. I haven’t made resolutions for this year quite yet. I’ll keep you posted.