Lasting for a very short time….. isn’t that a bummer? When I think about the purpose of this blog and my intention to find beauty, I never really thought about for how long those beautiful things would last. And yet, this verse, it’s so true. The beautiful things I have written about up to this point have come and gone, for the most part, or are moments, memories, nostalgic things that make my heart warm. But they haven’t necessarily been lasting things that I can keep forever, and that makes me feel a little bit sad.

There are certainly things that I wouldn’t want to keep forever, and maybe that is where the beauty lives as well. I really don’t want to keep anxiety forever  – unemployment, insecurity, losing a loved one, watching friends move, or ‘unnamed situation I’m worrying about that hasn’t even happened yet’ – these things I am happy to move through and let go. I had  a conversation with my mom this weekend about how I am a little afraid to feel ok again – that my anxiety is up, and I’m waiting for the next “bad thing” to happen. She reminded me that yes, there likely will be more “bad things” to come, but waiting for them, and anticipating their arrival is a horrible way to live. I’m going to miss out on what’s going on right here, right now. And I can take the lessons I’ve learned in the past storms and bring them to whatever next storms may come our way.

Really, I had a great week – Dylan is enjoying his new job, it finally stopped being windy, the weather is warming up, my tomato plants are growing! I’ve felt content, and proud of us for getting through a season that tested us in many, many ways. And…. materialistic drum roll please…..we got to register for our wedding. That was one of the oddest things I think I have ever really done. Its weird to think about asking people to buy you things, a lot of things, for your future. How am I supposed to know what china pattern I want (where, ps, do you buy china because this is missing from our registry) when we don’t even have a formal dining table? Are napkin rings necessary? Which items are sure to make a marriage last – it’s a little ridiculous. The sociologist in me was asking SO many questions about the way our society tells us to celebrate commitment. I have a hard time spending money, and asking for things, so it was really out of my comfort zone.

Look at that supposed bliss

Those little scanners, though, those are pretty fun. Beep – I’d like that. Beep – sure that could go somewhere. Beep – but isn’t that CUTE! Who knows what we will end up receiving, and I am thankful for those who love us and want to wish us well, and shower us with items that will bring us into this new stage of life. As we were standing in the towel isle at Target I kinda had a mini melt down. “How am I supposed to know what color I want my bathroom to be? I can’t decide this now! I don’t even know!!!!” Dylan gently took my arm and said, “this is not about the towels. We don’t have to have these forever, we just get to be together forever.” His words brought me back to reality, and we finished scanning away.

He’s exactly right isn’t he – this process of wedding planning isn’t going to last forever. However much I don’t like wedding planning, or get overwhelmed in picking out towels, or kitchen utensils, I am only going to be standing in those isles with that scanner once. This is it, this is my life, and I want to find the beauty and enjoyment in our process rather than rush through. Because this process is going to be pretty darn fleeting. I don’t want to stand here on September 7th and tell you whew, we made it through that one.

In an effort to make me laugh Dylan scanned one or two quirky things on the registry just to see if people are paying attention. It re-grounded me and made me smile. This little guy ended up on the list. I really, really, hope he finds his way into our lives. If you are feeling led to check out our wedding registries, make it a game to see what other items that touched our odd personalities.

Don’t worry – it’s just a gnome candle. If I get him I will name him

This week maybe my thoughts are what are beautiful. Maybe they are drawing on cliches, but I don’t really think so. I got the beautiful reminder to slow down, enjoy the process, ask questions, and find things to laugh about. And this, perhaps, is my approach to life. Because, good or bad, this too shall pass.