Author: Katie Huey

Blown Away

I’m almost afraid to say it. Things seem to be going smoothly, people getting along, and I’m basking in the support of others. Support that I thought maybe had ended due to doors closing, differences in lifestyle choices, friends moving away. Funny how when you ask the universe for something sometimes you have to wait, and sometimes answers come flooding in faster than you can say thank you. I feel like it’s flooding, and I’m floating, today, on the good.

As you can imagine, planning a wedding is well, expensive. Even when you try to get family involved and do things yourselves. And, as a self admitted control freak about funds, this has been well, uncomfortable. Dylan, my mom, my loved ones continue to tell me to relax, to trust in God’s provision, and to allow myself to use my resources wisely. I’m trying. But in my freak out moments I scream (metaphorically of course) I can figure it out! And so I put out a call to some of my friends offering up babysitting services. And I got a response and this week had the most beautiful experience with two little girls – ages three and one.

It was Friday afternoon and I was pooped and regretting the metaphorical scream and call to action and wishing I had just said no so I could go home and drink a beer and relax because I knew the weekend would be full. I put on my big girl panties and drove across town to a family I hadn’t previously met, and settled in to babysit for the night. We went through the routine – some games, some books, some mac and cheese and I was having fun. But as I cleaned up dinner and took those little girls outside to play I was blown away by the simple pleasure of bubbles (no pun intended). Do you know how fascinating those little soap suds are to little kids? When is the last time you let yourself watch those magical orbs grow and expand and float like they have no cares in the world. We took the wands filled with soap and spun in circles, playing on the grass, pursing our lips and getting covered in spit. Up unto that point, that bubble blowing experience was the highlight of my week. I hope they invite me back. I think I want to add bubble festival to my bucket list – that’s got to be happening somewhere in this country right? If not, maybe I’ll start one.

Saturday was my bridal shower. I woke up early – I was nervous – about what I can’t exactly pin down, but you know, I don’t love being the center of attention. I was overwhelmed, however, by how many people showed up to share their love and support and advice during this time of preparation for marriage. Does anyone else ever have anxiety that if you invite people they might not show up? Like if you plan a birthday party with all of your favorite things and worry, just maybe, no one else will want to partake in what you love? I was a little nervous about that. Again, however, I was blown away by how many women from different stages of my life showed up to say, “we love you, we are thankful we get to walk with you through this time, and we love that you are so in love” WHEWWEEE – isn’t that what we all want? To be loved and accepted and showered with good wishes. It was a great day – to those who participated – thank you, thank you.

What came of this too, was freedom to extend myself to old connections and say even though we are in different places, with different schedules and priorities I still care about you. I said it to my friends, they said it to me, and even if we were together for just a few hours, I felt immensely loved. And surrounded by pink, and by cupcakes, and by accessories that will help build my new life.

And someone bought us the gnome! (Don’t know what I’m talk about? Click Here) We started a hashtag #hueygnome so you can follow his adventures.

What blows you away in good ways? What are you asking for from the universe? What do you wish you hadn’t asked for?

And for those looking for a laugh I strongly recommend this little clip – the song has been stuck in my head ALL WEEK:

Stop Trying to Improve

Type in the words “trying to improve” into a Google search engine. You know how Google has that cool auto populate? Well guess what comes up when you pause and let Google do it’s magic.

Trying to improve your memory

Trying to improve upon

Trying to improve your work

Trying to improve your mood

Trying to improve your life…..

If you actually let the rainbow wheel stop spinning and press enter, the first three links you can click offer “60 small ways to improve your life”, “10 things to do every day to improve your life” and “27 steps to a better you”.

WHOA. That’s a lot of counting. And a lot of conscious things that someone else identified as ways that tell me I can do better.

Today, I am in a space where I am sick of trying to improve. We can work on our selves, our careers, our relationships, our co-workers, our outlook, our private time, our socializing, our food, our health, our brains, our habits, our teeth, our ANYTHING. Here’s what bothers me – how do we know when we’ve successfully improved – how do we quantify it, measure it, say YES, I’m finally improved. Because there is always going to be something else I need to improve upon! What got me spinning off onto this rant?

We joined a gym this weekend. It’s kinda expensive…. but it really helps my mental health and relieves my back pain from sitting in an office chair all day. Trust me, I’ve done the calculations, and figure if I go 3 times a week its more than worth it. So, this morning, I packed my work out clothes and at 5 pm changed to my running shorts and shoes and was excited to go to the gym. And as I was leaving my co-worker asked how I was going to work out. “I’m off the gym – we finally joined – and I’m excited.” “What are you going to do?” he asked. “Just run, probably the elliptical” I replied. He smirked… “why go the gym when you can just run outside. It’s so nice outside,” he said. I muttered a response, and got in my car, feeling, well, a little bit bothered.

I’m trying to improve myself, my health, use my financial resources in a better way to grow my savings account and take care of myself during this somewhat overwhelming time of wedding planning and life and dammit someone was questioning why I wasn’t just running outside! I got to the gym, hopped on the lousy elliptical, and kicked my frustrations and thoughts out with each step. If I spend all of my moments trying to improve, I lose myself. If I set goals with others approval in mind, I lose. If I am always thinking about how to boost my savings account, or manage my time better, or obsess about eating healthier, I lose. No one else does – just me. And so, this week. I’m giving myself the freedom to be – to not improve – to be in this time of life and be ok. I ate a big cookie at lunch, I had a diet coke (GUILTY OF CARCINOGENS), I joked about wanting to be at the gym for “bridal arms”, and I ran, on the elliptical, rather than outside.

And you know what was beautiful? The sizes and shapes and ages of people at the gym. Each there with different motivations and reasons for their participation in that sorta snobby world. We are all trying to just be – be us – maybe with some goals in mind – but I liked the physical diversity of people there tonight. I don’t talk to people at the gym… that would be intimidating; I’m new at this.

And the sky was beautiful – isn’t summer light just really enjoyable. One of the best things of our apartment is we have a west facing view – right over Horstetooth Rock – and the sun sets really nicely into our kitchen window each evening. Our landlord got us blinds – hallelujah! – and now I can enjoy those really strong beams of light. With the trees now having leaves, and the drainage ditch – err – “stream” running behind the apartment, the sunlight plays in the trees really nicely.

I catch myself staring at it as I cook dinner at 7 pm – because I’m busy – and I don’t have time to go to the gym AND get dinner on the table by 6. Psh, Dylan isn’t even home by six, and I certainly don’t sport pearls so once again, I’m letting go of that image I’m trying to improve. And I forgive myself for the iPhone quality photos of light. Again – I could take a class, learn about shutter speed, learn how to better capture this beauty, and improve the communication of just how much I enjoy this scene is in my house every day. But whoop – I’m not going to. Instead of focusing on what I could do better, I’m trying to change my perspective to what I’m already doing well. I think I’m juggling a lot right now – tasks, emotions, anticipations, hopes and dreams – and managing pretty well. And hey, I like the elliptical. What are you proud of yourself for doing right now? What “improvement” can you let go of?

The Four Agreements

I was given a gift this week, once again, in an unusual format. Sitting in staff meeting on a Monday morning is usually not people’s favorite place to be. I would say for me, its manageable, but you know, sometimes, it’s just something you want to check off your list. This week, we had a guest speaker, which is pretty common for us as we collaborate with many business partners, agencies, schools, supporters. I was hunkered down, listening, but admittedly, thinking about a few other things that have been on my mind.

But this gentleman, he caught my attention, and as he spoke about his experience working with at-risk youth in prisons, in rehab, in places where kids are deemed unworthy, casts off, trash, I put away my notebook, and fully tuned in to what he had to say. This guy exudes authenticity, real personable skills, and began his presentation with the genuine desire to help others. He said he approaches his helping work with the premise that he does this work for a reason; ” ‘It’s not because I am better than you, but I am older and have a lifetime of experience.’ I was speaking from my gut, not trying to be tough or be anything but my own true self.” Ahhhh, how refreshing. Isn’t this all what we are trying to do – well maybe not all of us – but come on, when the mess of daily life boils down to our true selves, we just want to help and share our experiences, and our wisdom. I would argue very few people approach their work with I’m better than you so listen up. None of us respond to that kind of false, unearned trust or authority. I don’t know this presenter guy, but I think I love his approach already. I want to know more, learn more, and pass on what he has to say.

He passed out a hand out called The 4 Agreements – see above – and I have literally put them next to my bed. Each statement, each affirmation, is something that can help me get through the day – help us all get through the day. I think the one that I have been working on all year – at work, with wedding planning, with my family, with my friends and my therapist – is the ” When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t need to be the victim of needless suffering.” Thank you universe, for bringing that message round again. I love it – it makes me giddy and unbelievably calm, because while each of those statements are hard to live by every day, they carry such buoyant truth. Context, in this situation, isn’t important to me because these transcend those thoughts and apply to so many situations in my life. Be me, be Katie, don’t absorb other’s drama, seek my own truth, and take care of myself. Easy on paper, hard in practice, but that’s why I’ve put them above my side of the bed.

This week too I found simple pleasure in going to look at flowers for the wedding. Whole sale flower markets are really interesting and the textures and colors and potential of fun little tokens of promise for the wedding were fun to look at. And it’s freezing. They keep those coolers COLD – my teeth were chattering and I wanted to make quick decisions, and my recommendations were voiced by the stacks and stacks of vases while my arms thawed. Dylan’s mom and his aunts came with us and what a blessing it is that his aunt is going to do the flowers for us. I got so lucky that so many members of my family are lending a hand and making our day special with their own contributions.

And I tried a new brussels sprouts recipe and devoured them at a restaurant when I got to go on an impromptu lunch with my mom on Friday afternoon. Isn’t it interesting how those little cabbages are making such a resurgence? I love the metaphor that these little veggies present. Something that has been written off for years, by children and adults since probably the 1960s have made the trendiest come back and now we pay $5 for a small bowl as an appetizer – brussels sprouts glazed in orange sauce (I highly recommend them at Restaurant 415 in Fort Collins) – or I try roasting them at home with cranberries and feta. Click here for the recipe. Don’t sell yourself short, you never know what you will find yourself loving years down the road that perhaps you hated for quite some time.

So which of The 4 Agreements stand out to you? How can you apply them to your life? Would you eat brussels sprouts with me if we sat down and had a chat about how we try to live authentically?

For more information about our guest speaker, Steve and his business Teach Authentic visit his website

Post Office Boxes

Such potential these little boxes hold

I’ve found a new love for post office boxes. Not the boring rows of metal doors at the more contemporary post office locations in town, but rather the old, glamorous, gilded metal boxes that take up hallways of space in our downtown post office. This building has been around since who knows when – I’d like to think it has history – I suppose it could have been built 20 years ago, but my goodness I just think I’m falling in love with that post office. What potential those boxes have – little doors full of secrets, and love letters, and handwritten notes that get flown across the country with a stamp. Maybe some magazines you look forward to every week, or perhaps too, these boxes contain boring things like bills and reminders to vote.

It doesn’t really matter what is actually in the box, but to me, they are starting to represent the ordinary in a beautiful package. We wait for this correspondence, and open the door, and peek with our big eyes and cram our little hands into mail boxes hoping for some connection with the world – that someone, somewhere, was intentionally trying to get a hold of me. Call me nostalgic, but I love snail mail, and I love connection with others – something that I feel is drastically missing for me right now. I guess I’m growing, my friends are moving, I’m getting married, and my tethers to things once so comfortable and familiar are changing. I’m being encouraged to make new connections, seek new sources, and tap into my own little golden box of secrets and waiting and promise of new, good things to come.

Why, you may ask, am I spending so much time at the post office? Well part of my job is to check our PO box for work – a small task that takes 2 to 3 minutes a week. But what is beautiful about this new ritual, is I get to conveniently take the walk 3 blocks down to the main building which takes me through the center of downtown and I get to interact with my community in a different way. Walk! You see so much more of this world. So this week, my beautiful things involve the post office. I set out today at about 3 pm.

Block number one – I pass a thrift shop which quite often displays its wares on the sidewalk – today a red velvet couch, a stroller from the 1980’s with a bright colorful pattern, and a sign that says “Hippies Use the Back Door” were going for a bargain. I have an odd fascination with other people’s stuff – someone, once upon a time loved that sign. What changed in their lives that made them want to give it up?

Block number two – I pass by the Catholic Elementary School just as school is being released. The bus is waiting, parents patiently make eye contact with their eager little ones, and five and six year olds in plaid skirts and polos rushed out of the doors while the church bells rang. I was not raised Catholic, but I do have a great respect for their traditions, and those chiming bells were beautiful noises as they mixed with the laughter of little ones almost ready to embrace summer in full. The beautiful brick building and stain glass windows gleamed in the afternoon heat.

Block number three – I passed the walking post woman on the way to the office – her basket on wheels full of other people’s lives. She smiled, I nodded, and we agreed that 84 degrees is a little bit warm for the end of May. A small interaction, so much potential.

As I walked through the doors of the main building to seek out our own PO box I was taken aback by the new security guard at the front entrance. He was checking ids, and names on packages, and seeing who you are before you get in line at a federal facility. A quick, abrupt reality check that the world we live in can be scary and dangerous and disheartening.

We saw the movie, “Noah” this weekend, which I highly recommend. I could go on and on about the movie – but that would take this post in a whole different direction. Instead, I really liked the message that the movie sends. The character Noah says, and I’m paraphrasing here, that we are given the choice to “focus our energies on the temptation of darkness” or we can pay attention to the hope and “the blessing of light”. Each day the world’s negativity, the threats, the inequality, the terror tempts me to dwell in darkness. Instead I want to choose the blessing of light – celebrate the ordinary, say thank you for routine, my afternoon walk, and the mystery of human connection. I set my eyes on the little golden boxes, got our mail, and headed back to work.

Heart Balm

Have you read the book “The Secret Life of Bees” by Sue Monk Kidd? You should. They recently made it into a movie, maybe a few years ago, but as always, the book is better.

In the book there is a character that is so compassionate she is haunted by the suffering of others. Her sisters have found a solution, and built her her own version of the biblical “wailing wall” in which this character writes down things she is distraught over. She spends a large amount of time processing and tucks the slips of papers into the little cracks to give them up to God, to the universe, to release herself from the incomprehensible amounts of pain that are in this world. Read the book to learn more about how her character copes with those questions we all brush over on a daily basis.

Sometimes, I can relate to that character. I’ve always had an emotional heart – a compassionate one that tugs and pulls and is pierced by things that don’t seem to bother others. I get frustrated at inequality, mad at injustice, and throw up huge, fist wailing questions to God and grapple with why such suffering is permissible. This questioning suffering, expansive compassion, and intuitiveness brings me closer to my creator – especially at times that don’t make sense. It’s led me to where I am in work, in relationship, and in life.

My heart, my friends, is an immense blessing, and an at times a curse as well. I am growing to nurture it, this hurting heart, to learn to apply metaphorical healing ointment, and expand my awareness to send light and love to those who are in pain at the moment. But today, I feel just like that character in the book. I found out someone I know – an acquaintance of someone I work with – lost their daughter this weekend, as she took her own life. Too, our neighbor lost his wife in one week, when a returning cervical cancer ravaged her body and took her home to heaven in seven days. It was a sad morning, and my heart hurts, and I don’t even know these people.

We think we are invincible, and at times we may be protected by shells of our own happiness, or carry a shield of “thank goodness that’s not my life.” But what happens when it does become you – when the phone rings, and you are the one scared, and you hurt, a little bit more than you imagine? I hope you turn to God, and start applying that heart salve.

Here are some things that I apply when my heart is hurting. Beauty among the mist, protection and soothing in confusion.

Coffee and biscotti – it fixes a lot of things – who doesn’t love a good cup of coffee. This, I think, goes back to my days of living in Tacoma, WA when the rain and the distance from home led me into a bit of a depression. But I lived for Biscotti day at the college cafe. It got me through.
Laughter – sometimes it feels unimaginable to turn that frown upside down, like it just isn’t possible. But turn on Jimmy Fallon, or watch Marcel the Shell, or find things that tickle your heart into a smile. Marcel always works for me.

Baby animals – humans included. The world seems pretty frustrating a lot of times, but there is something about a fresh start that just is refreshing. All of that unblemished potential. Don’t let pain make you hard, let it soften your heart to the potential in others, the potential in healing. My brother got a puppy this week. Seriously some heart salve in puppies. Just don’t let them bite your fingers.

They say there are lessons to be taught in suffering, and I believe in that truth. I’m working on releasing others to let them live their journey, live the lessons that God intended for them, and to come to a place that makes sense for them. I don’t like it, and it isn’t fair, and I’m going to spend my life doing what I can to alleviate that pain in tiny ways for my friends, my family, humanity, in itty bitty ways that I can. That’s what today is for me, and heck, that’s what this blog is about.

How do you soothe your heart?

That Snow White Dress

After reading yesterday’s post my dad found the picture I was referencing. I’m on the right, in the Snow White Dress. Look at our style.

“Once”

I think I was six or maybe seven the first time I got to go to the theater. I remember a lot of details about my first outing to “The Nutcracker”. I went with my cousins, both of whom are close to me in age, and their nanny, who dressed us up and encouraged us to behave for the evening that would be very special. I wish I had a copy of the picture of the three of us, sitting on the top arm of the couch as we anxiously awaited our evening out. I remember what I wore, a floral velvet dress with a lace bib that had a lovely print of Snow White across the front. I remember holding hands with Lauren and Leah in the back of the car, and getting to order a special treat in the lobby. I remember the thrill I had as the sugar plumbs danced across the stage, and the way the music floated through the air and into my heart. And, I remember how I stepped on a Junior Mint, and it melted all over my little Mary Janes and the nanny spent a lot of time scrapping the minty goo off of my shoes until she would let me back in that car so we could go home. For those of you who know me, this spilling, making a mess incident is nothing new – not surprising that while falling in love with theater and the stage I also had a “Spilling Incident.” For a couple of months whenever I encountered the nanny I would glare at her, hoping to communicate my shame and embarrassment at that spill directly into her heart. Not my fault I stepped on the chocolatey mess. Don’t you know that’s just what Katie does?

While I may have grown out of that Snow White dress, and am getting better at managing my spilling incidents…… I have not outgrown my love of theater. I have had the immense privilege of a few outings to the Buell Theater, shows on Broadway, and appreciation for the arts and singing and dancing and the wonderful creation of stories acted out on stage. This week I got to go to the performance of “Once” at the Buell Theater. The tickets were my Christmas present, and I had waited five months to see the show. What a wonderful demonstration of talents, acting and beautiful music. For those who aren’t familiar with the story, check out the documentary style film, and listen to the music and take any opportunity you can to acquaint yourself with a story that so many longing people can relate to. I don’t act, and don’t play instruments, and I was blown away by the small cast that not only acted, but performed all the music themselves.

This story, too, has a little bit of back story in my life. A few years ago, when my brother was in the midst of turmoil with drugs and alcohol, and our family was on his roller coaster, I had the opportunity to see the band The Swell Season that performs this music. That one night brought life to my aching heart, and I could connect with the music in a way that was just what I needed for that time in my life. That is what is so wonderful about music and about stories isn’t it – it gives us something to connect to? This story will always have a special place in my heart; these musicians too portray every day live with amazing simplicity. Humor, love, desire, passion for life and owning one’s stories. I can get behind all of these things. I’m sure I’m not portraying the beauty well myself here, and so I turn, instead, to my heart, and let the joy bubble and simmer within itself in appreciation for what this story does for me. Check out the music, tap into the story, and see what “Once” can bring to you.

Below is the funniest clip of the music done by The Swell Season below. I love it… and hope you will too.

This too shall pass.

Proverbs 31:10

Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

For some reason or another, Proverbs 31:10 came into my mind a lot this week. Now I do not want to get into an argument about what a woman of God looks like, or a discussion of what is honorable above other things, or even about fearing the LORD. I’m all for having that conversation, but not here, not in this space. I guess what kept resonating through my mind this week was that word fleeting.

fleet·ing

ˈflētiNG/

adjective

lasting for a very short time.

“hoping to get a fleeting glimpse of a whale underwater”

synonyms: brief, short, short-lived, quick, momentary, cursory, transient, ephemeral,fugitive, passing, transitory; More

Lasting for a very short time….. isn’t that a bummer? When I think about the purpose of this blog and my intention to find beauty, I never really thought about for how long those beautiful things would last. And yet, this verse, it’s so true. The beautiful things I have written about up to this point have come and gone, for the most part, or are moments, memories, nostalgic things that make my heart warm. But they haven’t necessarily been lasting things that I can keep forever, and that makes me feel a little bit sad.

There are certainly things that I wouldn’t want to keep forever, and maybe that is where the beauty lives as well. I really don’t want to keep anxiety forever – unemployment, insecurity, losing a loved one, watching friends move, or ‘unnamed situation I’m worrying about that hasn’t even happened yet’ – these things I am happy to move through and let go. I had a conversation with my mom this weekend about how I am a little afraid to feel ok again – that my anxiety is up, and I’m waiting for the next “bad thing” to happen. She reminded me that yes, there likely will be more “bad things” to come, but waiting for them, and anticipating their arrival is a horrible way to live. I’m going to miss out on what’s going on right here, right now. And I can take the lessons I’ve learned in the past storms and bring them to whatever next storms may come our way.

Really, I had a great week – Dylan is enjoying his new job, it finally stopped being windy, the weather is warming up, my tomato plants are growing! I’ve felt content, and proud of us for getting through a season that tested us in many, many ways. And…. materialistic drum roll please…..we got to register for our wedding. That was one of the oddest things I think I have ever really done. Its weird to think about asking people to buy you things, a lot of things, for your future. How am I supposed to know what china pattern I want (where, ps, do you buy china because this is missing from our registry) when we don’t even have a formal dining table? Are napkin rings necessary? Which items are sure to make a marriage last – it’s a little ridiculous. The sociologist in me was asking SO many questions about the way our society tells us to celebrate commitment. I have a hard time spending money, and asking for things, so it was really out of my comfort zone.

Look at that supposed bliss

Those little scanners, though, those are pretty fun. Beep – I’d like that. Beep – sure that could go somewhere. Beep – but isn’t that CUTE! Who knows what we will end up receiving, and I am thankful for those who love us and want to wish us well, and shower us with items that will bring us into this new stage of life. As we were standing in the towel isle at Target I kinda had a mini melt down. “How am I supposed to know what color I want my bathroom to be? I can’t decide this now! I don’t even know!!!!” Dylan gently took my arm and said, “this is not about the towels. We don’t have to have these forever, we just get to be together forever.” His words brought me back to reality, and we finished scanning away.

He’s exactly right isn’t he – this process of wedding planning isn’t going to last forever. However much I don’t like wedding planning, or get overwhelmed in picking out towels, or kitchen utensils, I am only going to be standing in those isles with that scanner once. This is it, this is my life, and I want to find the beauty and enjoyment in our process rather than rush through. Because this process is going to be pretty darn fleeting. I don’t want to stand here on September 7th and tell you whew, we made it through that one.

In an effort to make me laugh Dylan scanned one or two quirky things on the registry just to see if people are paying attention. It re-grounded me and made me smile. This little guy ended up on the list. I really, really, hope he finds his way into our lives. If you are feeling led to check out our wedding registries, make it a game to see what other items that touched our odd personalities.

Don’t worry – it’s just a gnome candle. If I get him I will name him

This week maybe my thoughts are what are beautiful. Maybe they are drawing on cliches, but I don’t really think so. I got the beautiful reminder to slow down, enjoy the process, ask questions, and find things to laugh about. And this, perhaps, is my approach to life. Because, good or bad, this too shall pass.

Lesson from a Talent Show

The heavy green door opens, and I walk through the space created by squeaking hinges and into a hallway. Old carpet, matted down by hundreds of kids, scratches underneath my feet. I want to reach out and drag my hand along the brick wall as I head towards the gym. Do all of these buildings smell the same? It’s got to be something they pump through those public school vents mixed with smelly adolescent boy, and girls still trying to figure out just how much Clinique Happy they can get away with.

This week, I got invited to a junior high talent show. Part of the organization I work for has a homework helpers tutoring program, and one of the young men who participates tried out for the 6th grade talent show, and was selected to perform. I don’t have a relationship with this kid – working on the administrative team, keeps me somewhat removed from the face to face interaction with those we serve. However, my co-worker was so excited for this little guy’s performance and she invited me to go with her and watch. He had been practicing all week – taking any opportunity to share with anyone who would listen, the song he was going to play. And so, on Friday afternoon, we stepped away from the office and got to go back to junior high – just for a few moments.

Now I don’t know about you, but for most people, I think junior high was some sort of version of well, hell. Too many hormones, braces, boys, dances, and popular kids. I survived junior high ok, skating through in the “just popular enough” clique, but as I sat in that gym I could not help think that this school was very different than the one I attended. And it is just across town. This school faced many more challenges than the school I spent my days at – more diversity, the highest poverty rate in the district, the most ESL students (and not just Spanish speakers), and the lowest test scores. As someone who has a sociology degree, these things fascinate me. I do not know much about the interactions of what goes on at this school beyond the demographics captured in statistics.

What I do know, however, is that the way these 12 and 13 year olds came together for just an hour was special. Students danced, read poetry, played piano, sang loudly, and nervously poured their hearts out into their special talents. When it came time for our kiddo to perform, he was so nervous, but timidly played his guitar and sang and students applauded. Standing ovation. When, along the line, do we become so obsessed with ourselves that we stop applauding each others talents? You don’t typically see adults coming together to do talent shows – at least not formally. I sheepishly admit some of my interests and capabilities. Again, I fail to celebrate my talents on a regular basis. Maybe I’m dealing with some insecurity here, and I can certainly appreciate fantastic people, but I have a hard time appreciating the ordinary about others. Ordinary or not, I was inspired for genuine appreciation for talent demonstrated by a bunch of sixth graders. They taught me that I need to appreciate the talents of those I love, of those I admire, of those I’d like to learn a little bit more about, those that I would like to learn from.

I want to reclaim an appreciation for my talents, my hobbies, and the things I bring to the world. So, tonight, I invited a friend over, had some wine and created a collage. I haven’t done this in ages. When I was 12 and 13 my bedroom walls were literally covered with homemade collages – teen icons, faces of cute boys, and Lisa Frank, and inspirational quotes – I would spend hours creating these snapshots of life. I think, and my parents can correct me here, I had three collages – a triptych if you will – of one poster board of just eyes, one of noses, one of mouths. It hung on my wall as a weird homage to beauty magazines – my first stand against what the world tells us we should look like. I have dabbled in this method of capturing myself for years – but for one reason or another have taken a hiatus. Maybe too much else was going on in my head and my heart – it was difficult to put it on paper. But tonight I did. I set an intention, and sat down to appreciate a talent of mine that I was missing. Here’s what I created. Be kind please.

What do you appreciate about yourselves? About others? Have you had any touching moments this week?

Tenacity

te·nac·i·ty

təˈnasitē/

noun

the quality or fact of being able to grip something firmly; grip.

When I looked up the definition of tenacity, I was surprised. I knew its connotations with perseverance, determination, and the unwillingness to give up. But I was surprised but the formal definition. How does one have a quality of gripping? My hands possess that quality, I suppose, and maybe, so does my heart. I think I was struck, however, by the positive connection to gripping here. It seems like something to strive for, right? You want to grip on tightly to all that is good, and has promise. Doesn’t our society send conflicting messages here too? We are told repeatedly, to let go, have peace, unburden yourself…..loosen that grip on all those things that are not serving you. And then, we turn around and respect and praise someone for having such strength, and the ability to hold onto hope with a gripping force.

I suppose I should back up and explain why I looked up the definition in the first place. Dylan got a full time job offer this week – hallelujah! A full time position, in his industry, moving him in a direction he wants to pursue. He has to commute, and the situation is once again, not perfect. But we move forward joyfully in this answer to prayers. I was going to praise him for his tenacity – determination, perseverance, and the grace to wait for the right position, rather than pounce on anything that could have come his way. It is nice to know God has opened a new door for him, and that we made it through this time. Thank you universe! But I found myself immediately rushing into new what ifs. WHY DO I DO THIS? What if we have to move back to Boulder and I can’t find a new job ( I do not, at this point, want a new job). What if Dylan struggles in this new position? (There are no indicators…. Katie, it’s day two). What if the commute is exhausting and the price of gas gets too high? (likely… but doesn’t God provide as exhibited by what you JUST went through?) I was annoyed at myself and my ability to quickly say, “whew, Thanks God for helping us with this one, but what about all of the other possibilities of things that could potentially be problematic”. Tell me this is human nature, help me remember to, perhaps, loosen my grip.

And so, this week, I also posted a Facebook status about my impending frustration. I posed a simple question, and got some great responses.

My status said this, ” Feeling Frustrated – tell me good things about the world, ready go!”

The responses are beautiful, and I want to share:

Community Cat Coordinator – a position for a non-profit here in town that works with feral cats – I hate cats, so this made me laugh and my friend knew that it would bring a smile to my face.
The Elephant and the Dog that are friends
Easter!
5 Thoughts that will make you instantly happier – Click on the link for the article
Sunshine and a light breeze off of a river
Summer – it’s coming
A friend reminded me I’m getting married in September
Jazz for Cows – this is a thing

Shamwow!
Double Cheese Doodles – click this link to listen to an excellent story about simple pleasures!

So thank you to my friends who can encourage me, and remind me that the world is good. I am learning, that this beauty thing, it’s a choice. Every day we can turn on the news, talk to friends, and be aware of tough, heavy situations. But too, I can ask for help, and get pleasantly reminded, that gratitude is where my roots are going to thrive. Thank you for helping me remember what it is important to hold onto, what I should be gripping on to with a force greater than myself, and what I can brush off, and let go, and rid myself of to lighten my load.

I had another conversation with a friend this week who is going through some big, exciting, maybe terrifyingly wonderful changes in her life. We were talking about our blogs, and she shared with me her own definition of beauty that she is zoning in on these days. She left me this image, a quote by Keats, and since I love books, and quotes, and tattered pages, I leave you with this image for the week.

“What the imagination seizes as beauty must be truth”

What are you gripping on to these days? What are you imagining as beautiful? How are you sharing your joys with others?

52 Beautiful Things

An imperfect attempt to find some beauty the world has to offer. One week at a time.