Author: Katie Huey

Spring Blossoms

Aren’t these blossoms beautiful? Pleasing to the senses? The internet is blowing up with pictures of blossoms, and people asking us to stop and appreciate these delicate, short lived pops of beauty. I am loving all of the flowering trees that are coming up around town, even if they are making me sneeze and the Zyrtec come out in full force. What I love about this picture too, is that if you look into the background you can see parents waiting and watching as kids play soccer. What you can’t see are the sounds those parents are making. The house I grew up in backs right up to a small neighborhood park, and the cheering voices of soccer games drifted into my family’s life to become the sound track of Saturday mornings in both the spring and fall. It is comforting to know those games are still happening, and even more comforting to know that I sometimes get to hear that soundtrack again. Can you tell I’m balancing between growing up and finding comfort in my roots? Maybe that’s an underlying theme here that I didn’t anticipate noticing about myself.

Anyways, I love these blossoms. The day after I took this picture we got a spring snow. Welcome to Colorado, right? Where you never know when you can put away those boots and settle into the next season. The snow flakes were thick, and cold, and slushy, and they covered up all of the brave, budding little plants that are trying their hardest to push their way into this earth. I noticed that these blossoms turned inward, protecting themselves from the cold and they drooped a little, shivering as the wind whispered between them, threatening their existence. Sometimes, that’s kinda how I feel on this journey of looking for beauty. Sometimes in life things are feeling really good, positive, like change is being made and things are being accomplished. And then a cold wind blows – an uncomfortable experience, or a harsh word said by a co-worker, and I want to turn inwards, away from the wind, and away from those experiences that make me question my own place in this world. Because goodness, sometimes doesn’t it seem like the world works pretty hard at making us feel small, and unworthy of showing our true beauty.

Maybe this journey of exploring beautiful things isn’t always going to feel %100 beautiful – is that paradoxical? I’m not sure I’m communicating exactly what’s swirling around in my head this week. But I know that I am trying my hardest to blossom, to break out of that little protective shell, and stand against the elements and say, “here I am, please appreciate me.” But a part of me knows too, that this beauty comes in seasons; we shrink, petals fall, and then we get the courage and the time and the opportunity to grow and try again and resurface and say, “here I am, beautiful like last time, just a little different.” Oh the lessons nature can teach me. I’m kinda into it. I started some tomato plants this week, and basil, and flowers in a pot. We will see how I do – I’ve never really gardened before.

I also got the chance to have fun and be creative with Easter eggs. This is a tradition I’ll never be too old for. This year we just felt a little bit more sophisticated in our design. Thank goodness for Pinterest, and my mom who will still blow out the yokes of the eggs into a bowl so I can decorate the hollow, fragile shell. Again, beauty in the delicate nature of life. And beauty that I didn’t have to get egg goop in my mouth (still a child here… what can I say?) My mom said I should practice for motherhood and start doing these messy things – let’s put the breaks on that one please. Tonight, there is supposed to be a lunar eclipse. I’m not sure I will be able to stay up until midnight to watch it. I’m getting kinda old. Maybe Jimmy Fallon can help. We’ve been watching on Hulu, and that man is funny! I think when I look back on this time of uncertainty, or this stage of life, I will be able to say that this search for beauty and Jimmy Fallon helped to keep me grounded. You never know what is going to come your way. What areas are you growing in? What is threatening your beauty or your place on this earth? What is helping you stay grounded?

Also, for a throw back laugh, I thought I’d share this really bizarre picture. These are my Barney slippers from when I was little.I can’t believe my parents kept them, but they certainly make me laugh. Apparently, I’d never take them off and I had a nightgown to match. Commercialism at it’s finest. Aren’t those little lizards creepy?

Roots

It was 75 degrees today! You know what that calls for? A shandy! I think my new summer go-to drink is going to be mixing Sunshine Wheat Beer (my favorite New Belgium brew) with Lemonade. When I asked Dylan what mix he used he suggested 56% lemonade, 44% beer. No joke. Good luck figuring those measurements out. Anyway, I highly recommend the drink. We had burgers for dinner, and my little summer drink, and the weather promised a bit of a spring teaser that makes me so excited that Spring and Summer are coming. Its been a long, cold winter.

Don’t worry. Just one is mine.

And…… today was Free Cone Day at Ben and Jerry’s. Who doesn’t love ice cream? And FREE ice cream at that. If that’s not a beautiful thing, I’m not quite sure what is. I really enjoyed my free cone of Coconut Seven Layer Bar. If you didn’t take advantage of Free Cone Day, you missed out. What was more enjoyable, though, was the waiting in line for 30 minutes. No, I’m not being sarcastic, I really liked it. It was nice to stand outside in shorts and chat with my parents, and Dylan and the little boy behind us in line. It was fun to people watch and see how a community comes out when the weather warms up and a free treat is waiting. Musicians were playing, the sun was setting; this was the place to be.

In my people watching, I saw a group of high school girls wearing Poudre Tennis gear and my heart swelled. Now the reason behind this excitement requires a little bit of back story. I am one of those girls who obnoxiously loved high school. I loved studying, I loved being at school, I loved doing sports, and being in choir, and when I wasn’t doing those things I was with the same 15 kids pretty much all the time. Thinking back retrospectively, I often wonder if I was so happy because I was in the right clique, and sometimes I wonder if I was mean to those I went to high school with. I hope not. But you know what they say, “If you think cliques didn’t exist, you probably were in one.” If I was mean to you, I’d like to apologize.

Part of what made my high school experience so wonderful though, was that tennis team. I was one of those giggly, seemingly annoying girls who was SO proud to wear my blue tennis skirt and home made puff painted t-shirts with the silly nicknames on the back. I was lucky enough to play on the team with the same girls for three years. We did EVERYTHING together – we had sleepovers, study parties at Starbucks, the staff at Chipotle probably hated us, and my coach was a wonderful, tough love kind of woman whom I still respect.

My best friends and I after we won the Regional Title in 2007. I’m in the center.

Aren’t those shirts embarrassing? That year, our Science Bowl team won the National Competition. Ok, we were also nerds. Big Nerds. It is neat to still live in the same town where I grew up, and I’m thankful I can have a little bit of alumni pride. We are the only Impalas in the nation you know. So where does the beauty in this nostalgia lie? My heart strings were tugged tonight because I sometimes miss that time of my life, where success came as easy as an A on a paper, a sweet tennis serve, a high five in the hallway on the way to class.

What is even better than feeling nostalgic tonight is knowing that these girls are still some of my very best friends. Yes, we went to college in different states, dated different boys, and made some of our own choices. Yes, now we have scattered and distance and life experience have changed each of us in different ways- two are in Africa serving in the Peace Corps, one is married and owns a home, one is living in Fort Collins and one in Denver. Our communication comes less frequently, sometimes every few months, sometimes more than that. But this week, I also get the pleasure of inviting each of them to my wedding. One of them is standing up as my bridesmaid, and one will be returning from Sierra Leone for my special day. Those days of tennis skirts, and prom dates have passed us by, but those roots are so important to me. This group is so foundational to who I have become and my perspective on this planet.

Here are some of us on Wedding Day number one

Sometimes, I feel a little bit insecure because I am entirely happy living in the town that I grew up in. I’m a little afraid you are reading this and thinking, “sheesh, – she still hangs out with those girls?” Maybe I should be out exploring the world, traveling, testing my boundaries. But the beauty in “being Katie” as author Gretchen Rubin would put it, is that I know that what makes other people happy doesn’t necessarily have to make me happy. And tonight, I am thankful for friends who, against the odds, still remain a significant part of my life. I am thankful I live in a beautiful, wonderful town that I continue to enjoy. I am thankful for roots. And thankful for the beauty in free ice cream.

Little Luxuries

I’m having a bit of a fearful day today. But, progress has been made, because my little bit of fear seems to be floating on the surface of a lot of good things that are happening. I’m thinking about that paper marbling technique I used to do with my mom when I was little – you put the drops of paint that float on water, watch it swirl around, and dip paper into the pretty patterns to capture something more unique; the pattern is different every time.

When I googled the term “marble painting” most of the hits came back with tips and techniques for pre-schoolers. Channel my inner child. Ok. I’ll take the term and turn it into an extended metaphor. My favorite exercise. In my life right now there seems to be quite a bit swirling around. If I’m creating a marble painting of myself I think these are the things that I would be dropping onto that watery surface.

Drop one – Wedding planning is a beast – no wonder people elope. There are so many decisions to be made, and I’m being taught again and again that my tendency to want to cross things off my list, and do it NOW, is maybe more of a character flaw than an asset. This is a process, not something to check off my list. Drop two – my job is pleasant, but days are always full, and I continue to balance a multitude of tasks and responsibilities. I am happy here, though, because I’d rather to have too much to do then sit at a desk twiddling my thumbs. We are preparing for the biggest fundraiser of the year and are pushing relationships and promoting ourselves in good ways. Drop three – I am continuing to trust in God’s promise of provision. This is a huge area of struggle for me – maybe this drop of color would be darker, black or grey, or something not so glamorous because trusting God is hard work. I don’t like spending money, and I don’t like asking for help, and I don’t like admitting imperfection or mess – but here I am doing all of those things as I walk towards this next chapter of my life. So, I imagine that all of those swirling things are in the process of creating some beauty – a unique pattern that reflects this time in my life.

In the meantime, as I reflected back about this week, nothing stood out to me as extremely beautiful. However, there were a few ordinary moments that I am thankful for. Here are my little luxuries of the week:

1) Gumballs

I have a mason jar filled with gum balls on my desk. These little sugary bursts of color bring a lot to the interactions I have during my day. First of all, I love the way they look in that small little mason jar. Their presence is comforting aesthetically; the way those colors interact with each other bring some fun to my workspace. Too, when people come to my desk I offer one up to share – it’s a conversation starter, a reason to smile, and a little breather for those who I work with. Because let’s be honest. Who doesn’t love gum balls?

2) The Mountains

Again, I am a Colorado girl, so forgive the gushing mountain comments – but can you please appreciate that view?? It is really an amazing privilege that I can drive two hours and sit on a little chair and be at the top of a mountain with two pieces of wood strapped to my feet. It was a windy day, but I was in awe by the view at the top of A-Basin where you can see all three ski resorts in the area, and really felt “On Top of The World” – even if it was just for a minute.

3) Comforting Quotes

I surround myself with phrases and quotes and inspirational sayings. These were a few I came across this week that made me feel more grounded, and reminded myself that I am my own biggest critic.

“Always remember YOU are NOT what you DO, you are YOU….”
“The option to leap into the unknown is always present. We are never at a lack of options. It is courage we sometimes lack…. It is a battle cry before I ride into the siege of possibility, the storm of uncertainty and the dark night of transformation. I write knowing that on the other side, beyond the struggle and the stomach churning fear is everything that every one of us has been waiting for–miraculous Truth, peace, contentment, freedom. Who wants to ride with me?” – Katrina Nilsson – Gorman
Matthew 6:34 – my daily mantra because I’m a pretty good worrier.

What would the drops be that contribute to your swirling beautiful marble painting this week? What little luxuries crossed your path?

That Rickety Kitchen Table

I have a bruise. A really glamorous purply, blue bruise. It’s on my left wrist, and it’s just about the size of a softball. That makes sense, because its from playing on a rec softball league, and I stopped a ball at second base and it hit my hand instead of my glove. ” Trust the glove,” a friend said. Well I tried, but it still hit me in the hand. I’ve got some learning to do when it comes to softball. “Room for improvement,” they might say.

My bruise, however, is nothing compared to what my brother has got going on. This week he had an accident on his scooter, where he got cut off by a truck, and slid on some gravel and turned the thing over on its side. Luckily he escaped with just some scrapes and bruises. Some serious bruises. Boy are those colors beautiful – yellow to red to purple – there is a rainbow in there. That’s got to hurt when he lays on his side. We are all thankful that he wasn’t hurt more seriously, and that his injuries resulted in some pain, inconvenience, and time off from work to heal. We got lucky with this one.

What was more beautiful, in fact, was what came from his injury, and I am thankful for it. Because Sam got in an accident he was staying at home; my parents taking care of him. Dylan was with friends, so I asked to come over for a free meal. This week, for the first time in many, many years we had a family dinner with just me, my brother, my mom and my dad. Now we have quite frequently sat down to share a meal recently, but there was always a welcomed addition – a grandmother, a friend, a fiancé. On Friday night, for whatever reasons, it was just us original four. We all sat at our customary places from when we were growing up – I had my back to the big glass door, Sam sits across from me next to the counter. My parents hold strong at opposite ends of the creaky kitchen table with the chairs my dad built himself and we sit on itchy cushions my mom knit years ago. It wasn’t a fancy meal, and the conversation wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but this ordinary moment felt incredibly beautiful to me.

We’ve been through a lot over the past few years, and to be honest, being all together did not always feel good. It is hard to watch those you love suffer, and we’ve all been working on so much personal growth. At times, this growth pulls us in different directions, to perhaps separate corners of the house, or separate towns or school or work while we figure out who we are going to be as individuals in the world.

We used to make fun of my mom because while I was in college she used to get teary when we could all sit down together for dinner. This time, it was me. So much of family life happens around that square little table. It’s a routine I treasure, and I am so thankful my parents made an effort to gather us each night for a meal. Even if that meal was popcorn, and cheese, and apples on Sunday evenings (Grocery day was Monday don’t ya know). It is a tradition and a value I hope to instill with my own family some day. And as I continue to grow and change and prepare to leave my family in the traditional sense, and my brother starts out his own life on his own terms, and my parents embrace that term “empty nesters” I know that I can always return to sit at that table. New memories will be made, and maybe other additions brought in, but the power of the “original four” melts my heart. I’m thankful we keep fighting for each other, and that we keep returning to our spots at the table. I hope they continue to sit by me, and bless the food, and bless each other in ways we never could have imagined.

Oh, that’s risky.

What I’m going to write about today doesn’t feel beautiful. It feels scary, and uncomfortable, and really frustrating. And in fact it’s something I wish I could eliminate from my life all together, because it makes my stomach hurt and tears come to my eyes. Risk. Isn’t that a nasty four letter word? In light of our recent circumstances, risk seems to be a consistent undertone in decision making. So this is my effort to reclaim that little word and say, ” Hey you, you RISKY situation you, I see you and I’m going to do it anyways.”

I think, when I was in elementary school, my teachers would often tell my parents, “Katie doesn’t take many risks.” I guess that personality trait stuck with me and continues to be in my blood, my character make up. I like to play it safe, assess a situation, and see all the possible outcomes before making a decision. I’ll usually make a decision after taking some time to calculate the risk, and the benefits too. I’ve been known to do cost analysis, make pro/con lists, weigh the options. But, surprise, God isn’t working that way in my life right now. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

This week we made the decision for Dylan to take a part time job. No more unemployment benefits, and no guarantee that there will be enough hours in the workweek to make ends meet. A scary risk. But I am trusting in a wide open door where an interview and job offer came easy, and in the hopes that this may lead to new connections, new opportunities, and perhaps something else. They say it is better to be working. That it is easier to find a job when you have a job. Ugh…please help me to remember this. It is so easy to see the potential negatives in a risky situation rather than the positives.

We took another huge risk this week in that we finally set a date for our wedding! This risk, this one is exciting, it’s one I’ve been waiting for for quite awhile. But doesn’t the big MARRIAGE feel like it has a huge risk too. In my generation, half of our parents are divorced, and there are so many things that can go wrong. Wedding planning alone, on a small non-profit salary budget with the help of our parents, feels risky. Picking a venue that fits 200 people feels risky. What if it rains, what if its windy, and what if I get too overwhelmed by all those wedding decisions? Because I am not the girl who cares about those Chivali chairs. Or whatever they are called.

Something to celebrate

About a year ago I remember I participated in a group conversation where we were talking about risks we had taken. The context was risks “at-risk” youth take – at risk of what? I’m not sure I like that term. Most people’s responses leaned towards negative risk behaviors, stupid things kids had done in high school, drinking too much, driving a car with their eyes closed. The facilitator redirected the dialogue mid-conversation and asked us, “Why does society always think risk taking is bad? What are some good risks you took?” And I think that is the perspective I am hoping for here. Yes, there is a risk in not knowing for sure where that pay check is going to come from. And yes, in this day and age, marriage is maybe one of the biggest risks I will ever take in my life. But I know this. I love Dylan and I wouldn’t want another life partner. We are going through tough stuff now, and maybe it won’t get easier. But at least we will be together. And maybe we will drain our bank account for a four hour celebration because we want to get married and I’m kinda sick of waiting for that perfect moment where we say ahh, now the situation is great – let’s move ahead. I am not sure it’s going to arrive and if I take this approach, I might be waiting forever.

I came across this quote today – they say Brad Pitt said it, I’m not quite sure – but it goes like this, ” A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss. That’s the trade off, But I’ll take the risk.” Oh, that nasty four letter word. When I care about people, when I want success, when I wait around for clear answers, there is risk that I may get hurt and lose it all. That loss is perhaps a real consequence, but I want to live in the moment and continue to hope for something better. There is beauty in the potential positive outcomes of risk, and the learning opportunity in the negative consequences of risk. And beauty in me being vulnerable and saying, “this kinda sucks.” This trusting stuff is risky business… but what’s the alternative?

Tampons…. I’m thankful for Tampons….

Tampons. Seriously, I am thankful for tampons. Not that I need them this week, or would that be sharing too much information? Probably. This week, I was invited to participate in a really neat group for women called Dining for Women. Chapters all over the United States meet for fellowship and learn about programs all over the world that are benefiting women – teaching skills, empowering leadership, encouraging healthy family interaction, and acting on the idea that when women thrive, culture thrives. Women share a meal and are asked donate what they would estimate they would have spent if they would have gone out to dinner. This money then get’s donated back into programs and change lives in significant ways. The March program focuses on The BlinkNow Foundation, started by a woman named Maggie Doyne who is my age, who is doing wonderful things with the women in Nepal.

Now in Nepal, to this day, women who are menstruating are considered dirty, tainted. During this time they must be completely separate from society, locked out of homes, schools, and work while nature does its work within their bodies. The BlinkNow Foundation is teaching women how to create a business selling their own handmade reusable sanitary napkins and encouraging women to not be ashamed of a process that is natural and reclaims the experience with so much potential. NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. I think someone at Playtex, or Always, or Tampax really needs to partner with this amazing woman. While our culture certainly makes this process more, well, comfortable, for women here in the states, I think there is still a certain element of secrecy and shame to this process that all of us women go through each month. So, here’s to clearing the air on that issue. And I appreciate the multiple aspects of beauty in this situation. There is beauty when women gather to share food, beauty when young women follow their hearts to help others, and beauty when women are freed from shame and allowed to be themselves in community. And there is beauty in the fact that I can freely buy tampons.

Ok, so who is squirming? This week has also given me a few more things to appreciate. The weather is warming up, finally, and each morning the birds have been chirping when I press my sleep button over and over in the mornings. It makes it a little bit more bearable to get out of my warm bed. While daylight savings time did rob me of an hour of sleep over the weekend, the extra hour of light when I get out of work at the end of each day is incredibly beautiful. It lifts my spirits, and makes me a little bit more motivated to throw on my running shoes. I haven’t committed to that running regimen yet, but I’m thinking about it. My baby brother turned 22 this week, and I was able to send lots of positive love and light his way and I get to house sit and take care of my puppies that I miss quite a bit. Dylan and I are thinking about getting a fish and are taking votes on names. Do you have any names you would like to throw into the bowl?

Overall it was a pretty good week. There are more good things to come, as whispers of change and exciting things are starting to float around our house. Stay tuned…. and don’t forget to vote for that fish name.

“What I Believe About You”

I think I found this picture on Pinterest, I can’t remember, and I’m sorry if I’m not giving appropriate credit. What I love, however, about this little quote is it encourages authenticity. And it encourages celebrating myself. I don’t think society does a great job of encouraging us to celebrate ourselves. We down play compliments, are quick to point out flaws, and are often afraid of tooting our own horn for fear of being arrogant, loud, self centered. Yes, there are plenty of those “me monsters”, as comedian Brian Regan would call them, but I think it is rare when we come across people who are worth celebrating that actually allow themselves to engage in self celebration.

This week I had a few choice encounters with beauty in this world. My favorite came in a really unexpected way. I was invited on a whim to participate in an online writers workshop called Women Who Write Rock – a virtual retreat where for seven days women share their writing online, and participate in Skype sessions, and post on Facebook. This opportunity excited me, and scared me too, because while I love writing, I do not love criticism or critique and I really am kinda uncomfortable with people I don’t know. But I signed up, and it has been a really fun journey so far. I am on day 4 of 7 and I am responding to prompts and responding to other people’s writing. Beautiful writing with beautiful expression of pain, of joy, of experience, and of self celebration. I am getting positive feedback, and these other people’s responses – hundreds of women whom I’ve never met- are making me feel more at home in this world that doesn’t often celebrate women.

This week, my beauty to share with you is the affirmation that the workshop creator gave to us as we started our week of writing. Helene Rose, whom I’ve never met, inspired me and gave me such a confidence boost with her words. These words are reminders we should repeat throughout the day. They should echo in our actions, and be whispered to ourselves when we feel crummy. They should be yelled from mountain tops, and sneak out through laughter. They should be celebrated. We should be celebrated. How do you celebrate yourself?

” What I Believe About You”

You are a woman of great strength and courage.
You have the ability to express yourself. It may or may not need prodding. But it’s there.
You have a right to be heard, your voice booming out to the world, for all to witness.
You have a unique story to tell. All women do.
Your presence on the earth is magnificent, and we need you. We need your unique contribution.
Your life is filled with challenge and heartache, but it’s for a purpose. To serve your soul.
Your inner creatrix yearns to be free, to express, to just be, without judgement.
You deserve every ounce of ecstatic joy and abundance that life has to offer.
You can overcome your fears and claim your place in heaven on earth. The earth will rejoice.
You are a kick-ass, warm-hearted, kind, compassionate, loving, fierce and powerful woman. A force to be reckoned with.
Your broken-heart only grows stronger, more authentic, and more open to love when it heals.
Your supportive feminine community yearns to witness your heart-opening experiences through your creative self expression.
You want to be held and we hold you, in loving compassion.
You are a shining star. XXOO, Helene ”

For more information about Helene, check out Bebrilliantnetwork.com

You Can’t Count That

Have you noticed how goal oriented we are as a society? Or maybe I should ask, as my friends, have you noticed how goal oriented I am? I get so excited about checking things off my list, about saying whew… that project is done, or I’ve finally accomplished that! I have, for YEARS, been trying to read 20,000 pages in one year – a new years resolution that has rolled over for the 7th year now. (Two years ago I got close with 18,500 pages- last year was a dismal attempt at 7,500 pages). I love a good grading rubric (Thank you IB Program), my “FitBit @fitbit” that counts my daily steps, and anything else that helps me to quantify the things I am doing in my life. It feels good and secure to check things off and say to who ever “they” are – ha! see I did it! Aren’t you going to applaud? Sometimes “they” do, and sometimes, “they” don’t.

But I have been thinking so much about how as I enter my mid twenties it is becoming more difficult for me to quantify my success. I suppose I know the right things to do that I’m not and it’s driving me crazy- the applying to grad school, the “career track”, the happy wedding planning, the saving to buy a house. I know, some day, I will accomplish all that but I am afraid I may look back and the applause won’t be there. I’m pretty sure when those things are under my belt I may feel a significant tug for ok, what now! I even feel that way about this project – how many ‘likes’ am I getting, and why is no one new following me! Am I performing too much for the invisible “they?”

Dylan and I often talk about how we measure success, and what it means to be living a happy life. Isn’t it rather ironic how difficult it is to put a number on such a thing? Sociologists, psychologists, researchers – they dedicate years of their lives to try and put a number on such an illusive concept. Success – what does that mean for me? Especially now when I’m not getting a grade, or a daily pat on the back from someone other than myself, or finishing a program and filling out an evaluation or a really wonderful rubric. I guess that’s what it boils down to – what does it mean to me? Well, I am not quite sure most days, but I am working on stepping away from the counting, the calculating, the trying to find an answer, and that standing on top of the mountain moment where I turn around and expect applause. I want my applause to come from my heart more than from others on a daily basis. This is a huge shift in attitude for me. Can you help keep me on track – because let’s be honest, the atta’ girls from society’s expectations feel so good. They make me feel on track, not off center. Other’s approval makes me feel secure. That’s ridiculous.

Maybe being ‘successful’ is more about bending in the wind, the side steps, and the ability to adapt to the world around me and the changes moving within me. Within ME. Does anyone else ever wonder how hard it is to be an individual in such an individualist culture that is pulling us to all be the same thing? Yuck. I don’t want to be the same.

This weekend we had the privilege of spending some time in Breckenridge at Dylan’s uncle’s cabin. It was a beautiful breather where I got to go skiing, and try snowshoeing for the first time, and sleep in, and watch the sun come up over Mount Quandry while drinking too many cups of coffee. So this week, I am thankful for the beauty that the mountains offer and for quiet at night. Do you know how quiet it gets at night when its just the stars and the beautiful whisper of the pines in the wind?

I am thankful that I live in a destination state where people come from hundreds of miles to see. I am thankful for the beauty of a relationship where I can spend a weekend with a guy I love, whom I’ve spent six years learning about, and learning with, and loving, and laughing. And I’m thankful that I can keep climbing mountains, when I’m not sure what’s behind that next bend. I am thankful for the beauty in knowing that I can work on expecting less applause at the top, but rather change my focus to appreciating where I’m at on the trail. And I am finding beauty in the things that I am doing – the working for a non-profit, this project, the learning to love my parents as adults and friends, and the finding my way in the world – one day at a time, with patience and grace and a little bit of applause within my own heart.

I’m that girl…

I’m that girl. The one who wants to hang out with her mom – yes, still – on Friday nights. The one who talks to her parents every day whether on text, email, FaceTime or just the phone. I joke with my dad and make him buy me pizza and beer, and I drag Dylan to my grandma’s house for Thursday night dinner. I’m not sure Dylan knew what he was getting into when he said he would move with me so I could be closer in proximity to my parents house. Because I’m going to want to continue to hang out with them, and joke with them, and cry with them until, well, hopefully forever.

(This is me and my mom on Halloween – she wears the wig to work as a scary secretary – she is awesome. Do I ever take a normal photo? Not often)

I got a double bonus in that I also am the girl who is TOTALLY ok hanging out with my future in-laws on a Saturday night. I text my future father in-law, have great conversation with my future mother in-law, and am as comfortable at their house as I am at the house I grew up in. That’s saying something. Skeptics go ahead – tell me about how this is going to change, and I will grow to desire my own space, and my own life, and hate my in-laws. Well things may change, but I hope that weekend encounters, and family dinners and Sunday outings with my parents – both sets – continue. They have wisdom and guidance, and humor and vulnerability and free dinners to share!

(This is me and my future father in-law. We switched sunglasses for our afternoon stroll- he can rock them don’t you think?)

One of the beautiful things I love about my parents is their openness to the world and all that it has to offer. This is progress, for them, and for me, but I would say that in the past 5 years our family has gone through some significant struggles. These struggles have brought us closer, helped me to grow up, changed our dynamic, and forced us to examine those good ol’ family patterns that you may not like to admit. I am the oldest you know, and strongly demonstrate the side effects of the “I got this, I can take care of it, and take care of you” syndrome. We are working on it.

This new openness also has led both of my parents to change their home screens on their new iPhones to say “Let Go and Trust the Universe.” If there is a better mantra, please let me know. We all also have the same therapist. I’m a big advocate for therapy and think everyone can benefit from an hour a week where you pay someone to talk about things you’d rather not think about. Just kidding, it’s been huge for me, and huge for my family. Now you are probably thinking, where is she going with this? Isn’t this supposed to be about beauty??

Well as openness to the world, and therapy, and my parents culminate into one great expression of beauty for the week I would like to look at what we affectionately call our “Gifts from the Universe”. Maybe it’s a song lyric, maybe it’s a picture, or a quote that speaks to us in ways we didn’t imagine. Maybe its the suggestion of Valerian Root drops to help me sleep, or a friend dropping a line who you haven’t heard from in quite some time. But this week, for my beautiful things, I will share some of the “Gifts from the Universe” that my family and I shared with each other.

If you are looking for a song, I suggest checking out Tyronne Wells song “Give It Time” It spoke to me this week.
If you are looking for some words, here is the Valentine’s Day affirmation my mom sent me:

(I told you, we have a hippy therapist)

Here are 10 affirmations to help you love yourself and bring more love into your life.

I choose to see clearly with eyes of love. I love what I see.
Love happens! I release the desperate need for love, and instead, allow it to find me in the perfect time.
Love is around every corner, and joy fills my entire world.
Today, I remember that Life loves me and will reward me.
Life is very simple. What I give out comes back to me. Today I chose to give love.
I rejoice in the love I encounter every day.
I am surrounded by love. All is well.
I am comfortable looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you. I really love you.”
I draw love and acceptance into my life, and I accept it now.
Love is all there is!

If you are looking for an image, my dad follows this artist named Hugh MacLeod who does Gapingvoid Cartoons. His little cartoons help me and my dad connect each week, and I really loved this one.

If you are looking for a laugh, here is a picture of my 80 year grandma and me when I was trying to teach her about ‘selfies’. Don’t tell her she’s on here, she may not like this face being out on the world wide web.

What were your “Gifts from the Universe” this week? I’d love to hear about them. Keep your eyes open, beauty comes in unexpected packages.

“I know, Katie, I know”

February 8th, March 16th, early May, June 28th, October 4th. What do these dates have in common? They are my friend’s wedding dates. How exciting! Wouldn’t miss it! As each new Save the Date rolls in I am thrilled to be a part of such a significant day in the life of someone I love. But when I also sit and am quiet, there is a part of me that comes out that I don’t quite love about myself. Beauty in self acceptance – right? Beauty in where you are at? Because when I admit it, with each new Save the Date that shows up in my inbox, or is posted on my fridge, I also get pretty jealous and my competitive nature roars its ugly head. I was supposed to be first – that was supposed to be me. I am still, at times – ok right now, struggling with the reality that I chose to postpone my wedding. As we are getting back on the horse, so to speak, with the wedding planning I secretly hate parts of the decision that I chose to put things on pause. And while I love my friends dearly, and can not be happier for where they are at – a part of me wishes I was there too with the showers, and the dress, and the cake tasting too.

I am reminded about a post Jon Acuff wrote in his blog “Stuff Christians Like” (which is a hilarious blog by the way) called The Soft X. In it, Jon addresses how God speaks to us in times of disappointment, struggle, and unmet expectations. ” I know, my son, I know”, he says of God, and at times like this in my life it is hard for me to remember that God cares about the way I am feeling. There is beauty in the suffering. Perhaps suffering is a strong word here, as I know I am learning SO much about myself when expectations are unmet, or rather, life takes a detour you really could not anticipate. I have pretty high expectations for myself – Lighten up Katie, Lighten up! I, however,would like a little break from what my mom and I affectionately call a good ol’ FGO – Fucking Growth Opportunity – excuse the language.

And so, for this week, I am choosing to turn my attention towards the beauty in walking along side others through life – through the ups and downs, from the ouch that’s tough, to the celebrations and the Hooray look at you! This weekend, Dylan’s cousin got married, and it was a beautiful wedding, methodically planned out and a great expression of a wonderful couple I hope to get to spend more time with. I hope they become better friends, and our go-to Fort Collins buddies! They are both so neat, passionate, funny, and committed people!

While there were some moments in the weekend where I caught myself thinking, “I wish that was us”, I tried instead to focus my energy on what a blessing it is to be included in something so significant. To be a part of a large, wonderful extended family that I SO look forward to making my official “in-laws” and my friends and to walk through their joyous moment as I know they will walk through mine. My time will come and in the meantime it is helpful to remember that God is up there saying, “I know Katie, I know.” Too, their is so much beauty in the opportunity to learn about yourself in the midst of unanticipated life changes. I am learning that it is ok to say, “Hey, this is where I’m at – all the pretty, all the ugly, all the unsure, all the confident for 5 minutes until something makes me tip just a little bit in a direction I didn’t even know was possible.” But I hope you will continue to walk with me through all of those questions. Maybe Brene Brown @BreneBrown would be proud. Maybe beauty doesn’t always need to be masked in optimism, maybe beauty is accepting exactly where you are – a mix of dark and light, of joy and jealousy, and of me and of you.

52 Beautiful Things

An imperfect attempt to find some beauty the world has to offer. One week at a time.