Growth

All the Tricky Things

I’m a quote gal, what can I say? I came across this one this week, and thought dang Sylvia, you are spot on. “…Doing all the little tricky things it takes to grow up, step by step, into an anxious and unsettling world.” – Sylvia Plath

That is the process, isn’t it, of step-by-step explorations into who you want to be each day. You have to be brave enough to stand in the unsettledness, and accept with an open heart, maybe all this unsettledness is the only thing we can count on. One never is really arriving, but instead is dancing, prancing, grieving, smiling, aching, laughing, loving through each phase. I was talking to Dylan this week about that myth of arrival. I thought you would just, ya know, find a job, meet your co-workers, settle into your role for the next few years, and never imagined that maybe life would throw curve balls, or your friends would move, or your parents would sell your childhood home. That there would be beauty in loss, and the shedding of skin and the ability to stand as you are, letting go of what used to be.  You go through the natural transitions of growing up, coaxed through the programs and the academics, and are launched into the believing in yourself environment. That phase takes a hell of a lot of courage – especially in the fog of all of the fears that our society invites us to participate in.

I never imagined this process of blogging to be so vulnerable. There is something risky, I know, of being myself in cyber space. Of admitting challenges, or insecurities, or tiny victories along the way – oh my heart, you have been kind when you lay it all out there. To those I make uncomfortable, skip ahead to this blog post – “The One Where I Talk About “Friends” To those who can relate, thanks for reading. Let’s connect over coffee for I long to hear “me too.”

This week beauty surrounded me in the celebration of my dad. He had his birthday and invited us to play pool and ping pong and eat snacky junk food in a bar. Pub chips and nachos – yes, please. My brother came along and taught my 82 year old grandmother how to play pool. Both my brother and I were shocked she had never learned how to hit the cue ball across that felted green surface. Growing up, my brother and I spent countless hours playing pool in their muggy basement in Chicago while being “supervised” from my grandfather in the t.v. room above. How could she never have chalked up a stick in all those years?

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Nevertheless, we got to teach her how to play and avoid the eight ball, and break the “ladylike” paradigm to once again be blessed by the beauty of sharing life with the ones you love. Laughter too, so much laughter, as we held my dad across our laps for a photograph. These moments go by quickly, brief, little glimpses across the spectrum of life. Thanks for supporting me as I continue to do all of the little, tricky things.

Essie Nail Polish: Turquoise and Caicos

Biscotti: None

You know what I like? How when you try to load a new post on Word Press it makes robot words… beep booop beep

Plants, Pelicans & Lilac Rebels

When you plant seeds in the ground, you have two choices. The first is to tuck those little nuggets of potential growth into their dusty beds of soil, water, and wait. You trust that your nourishment and cultivation and light are going to yield something fantastic. It may take three weeks, or three months, but you are confident that what is shown on the cover of that seed packet is going to rise through its gritty foundation and end up delighting your senses.

The second choice, if you are untrusting, and unsure, is to continually check on the plant. You dig and look for roots, and pick out the bugs, and move its location to a seemingly better windowsill that serves the plant much better than its first location. All of this unsettling, likely, results not in growth, but in death. You can not rip up a plants roots and examine its everyday progress, or you will kill it. This is like life too. We have to trust that the good iterations and progress and unseen, measurable day to day growth will pull us into some pretty fantastic fruit if we can wait long enough to see things grow. It may take weeks, it may take months, but our efforts will produce something good.

I had this concept shared with me this week in my monthly Dining for Women group. What a refreshing reminder of optimism. I love this group of ladies that ranges in age from, well, me, to women old enough to be my grandmother. We share food, laughter, questions and support the great work that women are doing all over the world. These greetings continue to bring unexpected beauty and a sense of grounding to the world. The previous analogy got me thinking, where am I ripping up the roots and getting frustrated because it just isn’t happening fast enough. Whatever “it” may be. I do this to myself often. Not trusting that where I have been planted for now may yield some fantastic results. I cherished the reminder to trust the process and was thankful for the metaphor that connects us to the earth.

This week I feel like the haze of winter has fully lifted and beautiful gifts of spring continue to grace me with their presence. On Wednesday night, as Dylan and I were eating dinner, he was looking out the window and he loudly exclaimed, “is that a paddle boat with three heads on the water?” We rushed to the window, and looked closer at the lake. No, not a paddle boat, but rather, three, enormous pelicans were bobbing along. There is a pelican rescue about 15 miles away, so perhaps this little family of birds were out for an evening stroll, or swim, or glide. We watched these birds for a long time, until they gracefully floated out of view. Never have I experienced something like that, so close to my own beautiful backyard.

Also in the backyard, and all around the neighborhood, the lilac bushes are blooming. Last year, about this time, one of my co-workers brought in an amazing mason jar full of the blossoms to our office. When I asked her where she found them, she said she just snipped a few from the bushes on the way in to work. “What?”, my little rule following self exclaimed, “you can do that without pissing people off?” She didn’t care how she got them, just that they were in the office. Well, my friend, you inspired me, and this weekend, I snuck into the backyard and cut a few blossoms off of our elderly neighbors abundantly flowering lilac bushes. I stuck the flowers in a wine glass, and put them on my nightstand next to my bed. The smell is heavenly and I like looking at the delicate orbs as I rise. I smile to myself because in the grand scheme of things, this is hardly a rebellious move. However, it went against my rule following comfort zone and brings me immense delight.

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I received a comment on my blog last week that was along the lines that life is about the simple things that we should bask in every chance we get. Another beautiful basking was the combination of ginger beer, vodka, and lime juice in a bright copper mug. Freeze the mug before you transfer the concoction to your drink holder , and muddle some lime, and a Moscow Mule is something delightful to appreciate on a Friday night. I don’t follow a special recipe, but I do have loyalty to certain kinds of ginger beer. This combination is a mouth watering treat. Treats are good and copper mugs are fabulously fun to hold and toast.

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This weekend was the most calm and relaxing I have had in awhile. Dylan was in a wedding, and I spent the rainy days reading at my in-laws while he was off fulfilling his groomsman duties. It is amazing how when you let yourself rest, things come catching up to you like a rushing river. Emotional reminders to process, to breathe, to grieve, to be grateful, to soak in the gloomy weather with a content heart. Going to a wedding after participating in my own wedding was such a fulfilling experience. Never before have I felt so confident in my choice I made to walk through life with another human being, as I was when watching my cousin-in-law take his vows. Weddings are powerful, love is tangible, life is meant to be shared and I was thankful.

What can you toast to this week?

Biscotti: Thinking about making some with almond M&Ms – haven’t gotten there yet

Essie: Hands – Limo Scene – unfortunately this one just blended in to my skin tone – fleshy looking nails

Toes – Size Matters ( my mom gave me a pedicure this week when we had girls night. Have I mentioned I love my mom?)