Turn on the oven to 400 degrees.
Take a pound of bacon and layer on a foil-lined cookie sheet.
Bake for 20 minutes until crispy.
While you start to sweat because your house is eighty degrees and the oven is on at 400 degrees, take out the toaster. Plug the metal machine in to the socket.
Turn from your cool granite counter and take the package off the top off the whirring fridge.
Remove the plastic twist-tie from the crinkly, cellophane bag holding the precious loaf of sourdough bread.
Turn back to your cold counter.
Select two of the softest slices of bread and place in the toaster, pressing down on the black metal bar to engage the heat.
While the bread toasts, wash some lettuce with cool, cool water and slice a tomato once warming on the counter. If you’re feeling luxurious, slice up an expensive avocado before it turns from the heat.
Your bread is done.
Remove the toasted pieces from the hot metal grates with your fingers. If you feel brave, unplug the toaster and use a fork to get the bread out. Do not mix up the order here.
Open the hot oven to check your bacon.
Has it reached toasted perfection?
Once it’s done, put on insulated oven mitts and remove the hot pan from the hot oven.
Take your bread, now cooled, and spread refrigerated mayo with a cool knife to one side of the one slice. Take your expensive, normal temperature avocado and spread with the cool knife on the remaining slice of bread.
Layer warm bacon, cool lettuce, and warm tomato slices. If you’re like my dad, you’ll add a slice of cold cheese. Cheddar or Muenster will do. Smack those slices together and cut into triangles with your knife, cold mayo lingering on the blade.
Turn off the 400 degree oven.
Eat your sandwich outside because both you and your house are now stifling.
BLTs, my friends, are beautiful things.
In other news, my favorite dinosaur Carl now has his own Instagram. Please follow along.
And don’t forget to tell me what’s bringing you joy this month. More details here.
Love the humor! 😂 now I want a sandwich.