This week was a heavy one. I’ve been thinking about grief, and loss, and recovery, as these things seem to be themes in my life right now. I feel I make progress, then wham, terror on the national news breaks and I can’t help but think hundreds of others have now been pushed under the deep waves of grief. I’m enjoying community in my small group when a young teacher shares that her student lost her mom to suicide this week. I get pushed back under. I can’t watch CNN anymore, and I’m kinda nervous about my access to birth control, let alone how we would afford to have a baby on our perpetual IN 5 YEARS plan. GAH! Things can seem bleak. So I write.
Every single time I click the blue Publish button on WordPress my stomach lurches. Will people judge this process I’ve chosen to be so public about? Will people care? Do I turn others off because I should just be done already?
I dwell in that black space for a minute or two, and then I say screw it. I’ve got things to say, and I think there are people to read and hear those thoughts on this imperfect, beautiful mess we live in called life.
So I keep going.
The small print brought me to tears, right there in the tiny art gallery. “This is my purpose”, a little heart voice whispered, “and it may never be my 9-5 job, or make me very much money, but it matters, this pursuit of beautiful things.”
This is how worlds change.
So I whisper into the internet. I share my voice. Although, I’m starting to yell a bit more too.
Here are a few of my recent guest posts that kind, caring, hopeful people have chosen to allow me to share.
These beautiful things matter more now than they did a week ago, a month, or even five years.
So I wait. And connect with other people who think things could possibly, maybe get better, are better if we look for the good.
I also watch these videos, and listen, and find healing things to laugh about. I make pumpkin bread from a box, and I hug my husband tight.
What do you do?
ps. I have a VERY exciting announcement that goes live on Tuesday. Stay tuned.