Brian Andreas

So I…

This week was a heavy one. I’ve been thinking  about grief, and loss, and recovery, as these things seem to be themes in my life right now. I feel I make progress, then wham, terror on the national news breaks and I can’t help but think hundreds of others have now been pushed under the deep waves of grief. I’m enjoying community in my small group when a young teacher shares that her student lost her mom to suicide this week. I get pushed back under. I can’t watch CNN anymore, and I’m kinda nervous about my access to birth control, let alone how we would afford to have a baby on our perpetual IN 5 YEARS plan. GAH! Things can seem bleak. So I write.

Every single time I click the blue Publish button on WordPress my stomach lurches. Will people judge this process I’ve chosen to be so public about? Will people care? Do I turn others off because I should just be done already?

I dwell in that black space for a minute or two, and then I say screw it. I’ve got things to say, and I think there are people to read and hear those thoughts on this imperfect, beautiful mess we live in called life.

So I keep going.

I came across this image yesterday from Brian Andreas. I didn’t know he had a story called Beautiful Things. Just like me.

beautiful things.jpg

The small print brought me to tears, right there in the tiny art gallery. “This is my purpose”, a little heart voice whispered, “and it may never be my 9-5 job, or make me very much money, but it matters, this pursuit of beautiful things.”

This is how worlds change.

So I whisper into the internet. I share my voice. Although, I’m starting to yell a bit more too.

Here are a few of my recent guest posts that kind, caring, hopeful people have chosen to allow me to share.

Cara Meredith’s Author Tuesday Post

This Glorious Life The Photo I’m Thankful For


These beautiful things matter more now than they did a week ago, a month, or even five years.

So I wait. And connect with other people who think things could possibly, maybe get better, are better if we look for the good.

I also watch these videos, and listen, and find healing things to laugh about. I make pumpkin bread from a box, and I hug my husband tight.

What do you do?



ps. I have a VERY exciting announcement that goes live on Tuesday. Stay tuned.

Throw Your Hands in the Air

February returned. The real February I mean. Not the Colorado teaser February, where I get to wear flip flops and a tank top. Today, I sat at my desk with my coat on all day ( I do this. My co-workers never get to see my cute, professional outfits). I ate chili out of a mug. Much better than a bowl, don’t you think. It snowed a little bit yesterday, and even though the sun was shining, it was still only 34 degrees. While the promise of 60 degree weather lingers in the breaking dawn on Thursday, the snow is supposed to return this weekend. Saturdays tend to be snowy lately.

I’ve been thinking about the weather, and I’ve been thinking about the ups and downs and uncontrollable elements that exist there. One day you’re basking in the sun, the next hunkered down with a little soul food, feeling afraid to be expansive, or creative, or brave. These weather patterns seem to be reminiscent of life patterns. How quickly sunny days turn into cold weather and layers of clothing. Yet the promise of sun is always lingering – especially here in Colorado.
This week, I had the beautiful realization that I have been with Dylan for seven years. The once ever so embarrassing reality of a Valentine’s Day Anniversary has become something that we are now nostalgic about. Seven years since a gangly, dark haired kid asked me out to dessert. Seven years since I first turned him down, and seven years since he persisted. That is a long time. We have seen our ups and downs. When you fall in love at 19, the choices you face and struggles you overcome are significantly different than the ones we face now. I put up this ridiculous picture on Instagram that was taken the first time Dylan met my parents. He had died his hair black at the time. I laugh now and make fun of him looking at that picture. He quickly rebuffs my comments, saying, “Hey, you are the one who fell in love with me.” Yes, Yes I did. Thank goodness my standards of hair fashion evolved. Thank goodness that he let his hair grow back to a more acceptable color. Dylan is my sunshine right now. Pardon  the cheese factor, but it’s true.
The cold and call to bundle up makes me draw into myself as I make some significant choices right now. Patterns continue to arise and messages of awareness, progress, and confidence in the choice to be brave ease my soul. Sometimes, we have to pause, and to trust, that things are unfolding exactly as they are meant to.
There is a Brian Andreas quote that has been resonating with me this week. Have you seen this artist? His work is absolutely stunning, unique, and soul searching. So much beauty in this man’s perspective. This reflection of the absurdity of life draws me in to his Story People over and over again. One time, Brian retweeted one of my tweets and I just about peed my pants. Brushes with fame, even on Twitter, are enough to make a person incredibly excited.
My mom has one of his pieces hanging up in her kitchen. Its rich colors and rough exterior make me want to drag my fingertips across the surface of the wood. Anyway, the quote taken from one of his Story People says, “this feels like some kind of ride, but it’s turning out to just be life going absolutely perfect.”  Look up his artwork. It’s good for the soul.
I want to trust Brian and I want to delve deep into the roller coaster ride. The ride of emotions, of friendships, of connections to family. Of questions and of acceptance of answers you’d wish were different. There is beauty in the ride and I’m asking myself to just “Throw those damn hands up in the air”. Wheeeeeeeeeee!
Biscotti – none ( I see a bad pattern starting here)
Essie Polish: Forever Yummy