tea

Why do you think that is?

“I haven’t been as regular in posting,” I said to the man on the other end of a Skype connection.

“Why do you think that is?” he asked kindly.

I was in the middle of a podcast interview last weekend and his question gave me pause.

My answer centered on my desire to turn this project into a book and how with each new post I ask myself, “Is this the last one before I stop?”

There is truth in that sentiment and when I take off my interviewee hat and listen to my heart I hear this too.

I am getting tired of risking my vulnerability here.

Not in an exasperated way. It’s not that I’m over it – not in the least.

Rather, sharing my search for good and beautiful things has left me open and raw and seeking connection with other brave peace warriors. Sometimes this internet space is not as fulfilling as Instagram tells me it will be.

I talk about grief and joy and feelings and fewer want to engage with these truths than with work-out routines and make-up tips and how to make the perfect soufflé.

This practice, my friends, takes time and emotional fortitude and sometimes I wonder if I’ve still got what it takes. Whatever “it” is.

All the doubts creatives have start trickling in and I question – Is this really the best place for me to process my way through the world?

And then, I read this tweet by Jon Acuff:

“You can hold your breath and pretend your perfect, shoving those fears back into a quiet corner or you can be vulnerable and brave enough to ignore the handful of people who will mock your vulnerability because they are terrified of their own. You get to choose each day.” 

I let out the breath I’ve been holding and climbed out of my dark corner. My fingers began to twitch with the need to keep typing tales of my life and the beauty found here.

I am not terrified of my vulnerability – only in how you will receive my expressions – and the difference there is much more about you than me.


This week I’ve been sick, coughing until abs I did not know I had in my body are sore. I’m constantly sucking on Ricola, the Swiss sweets soothing my scratchy throat.

I slept for eleven hours thanks to the help of Tylenol PM.

My body is recovering and in my resting I’m making lists of the beautiful while my body shakes from gack in my chest.

Here’s the beautiful things surrounding me as I start again:

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Big bowls of bright red cherries – bursting with juice

Rolling thunderstorms clouds and quaking thunder claps

Butterflies with patterned wings

Lemon Mint cough drops

Peanut M&Ms

Influencers tweeting

Stretchy pants

Drives to the airport with accents

An ounce of bravery for tough conversations

Warm cups of tea

There’s so much beauty and good and holy things around me, even when I feel raw, achy and sore.

Why do you think that is?

 

For Tonight

It was a heavy weekend. As I processed deeply yesterday, I’m challenging myself to once again focus on all the good and beautiful things existing right alongside my heaviness.

Things like ….

Dried rosemary fronds mixing into batter for scones

Fresh cut flowers arranged by talented florists

Dirt moving in tines of rakes

Puppy breath fogging up my computer screen

Hot showers

Peppermint tea

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Conversations mumbled across kitchen tables

Those who care to listen

Fingers intertwined, sitting on the arm of old wooden chairs in the tiny amphitheater

Waffle cones

Banana, chocolate, oreo

Loud, long, laughter

Natural peanut butter oozing on a spoon fresh out of the jar

Eyes blinking with a nod of understanding

Spotify

The speed of email

Love notes

Seeds sprouting

Ribbons blowing in the wind

Here are my beautifuls for tonight. What’s on your list?

 

 

 

February Favorite Things – 2019

It’s quite cold out there. If you are in the U.S. you know its way beyond freezing. Unless you live in Colorado and it’s a balmy 30 degrees. This month I’m sharing things that warm my heart and my bones. Stay warm out there.

  1. The Color of Life: A Journey toward Love and Racial Justice by Cara Meredith

I’ve had the pleasure of being on Cara Meredith’s launch team for her new book coming out on February 5th! Sharing stories from her own journey and interracial marriage, she reflects on big questions of race, religion, and accepting our own limitations when it comes to world view. I love how she mixes history, statistics, and grace to weave a beautiful narrative of her own experience. Pick up a copy – you won’t be disappointed.

2. Applesauce in the Crockpot

apples

Photo Credit – Jess Larson

Apparently my mom used to make this all the time when I was a kid. I was never a fan when I was little. However, last Sunday I used this recipe and a bunch of jazz apples to make delicious applesauce. I eat it hot with oatmeal. Dylan eats it cold, right out of the jar, standing in front of the fridge. You may eat it however you like. Need a crockpot? I like this one.

3. Twinings Sleep Tea

I bought this box of tea when we were in London and surprise, found it in the bottom of my duffel that I just ..erm.. finally put away this past week. A bonus souvenir! This delightful smelling tea calms my nerves at the end of the day at puts me right to sleep. Perfect for those Sleepytime loyalists who want to try something new.

4. Maldon Salt

Do you have foodie friends? I have one that always blows me away with her amazing gifts of hospitality. At dinner the other night, she sprinkled beautiful salt flakes over roasted vegetables and I was mesmerized with the texture of the granules. Needless to say, I’m now obsessed with this salt. Add to roasted vegetables, top a bruschetta, garnish a soup. The smoked salt flavor is good too!

5. Wine Colored Tights

I just bought a pair like this and I’m excited to add a little color to my winter work wardrobe. What do you think –  are bold colors fun to wear to work?

March Favorite Things

In like a lamb, out like a lion. That’s what they say here in Colorado about the arrival of March. It’s supposed to be 47 degrees today with no snow, so I’m expecting us to get slammed with big, wet snow flakes later in the month.

I’ll take the lamb. The fleece. The soft and gentle. Hoping all of these things for you – warmth, gentleness, kindness, and calm – as you march into March.

Here are my favorite things this month.

  1. Bite Lipstick

Yup, I’m almost 30 and just bought my own tube of lipstick for myself. I went to Sephora and they SCANNED MY FACE and it came up with all of these color matches for my skin. “You have a lot of pink in your skin,” the nice beautician told me. That’s a nice way of saying you’re pale and I can almost see your veins. Pink – not golden bronze or tan.

I like the lipstick, and the matches that creepy machine spit out fit my complexion perfectly.

2. One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp

This book brought me to tears in so many good, healing ways. Ann Voskamp is a soulful woman who asks many of the same questions I do about God, suffering, and joy and the answers found when we search for beauty and good.

Eucharisto. My new mantra. I also wrote about this book here.

3. 30 Days of Yoga with Adrienne

I started this a few days ago and it’s making my back feel better. Who says the days have to be continuous? It could be 30 days in 60 days right? I’m 4 for 5 – having missed just one day so far. I’ll try to get up early tomorrow to catch up.

Perhaps you need a new yoga mat or yoga block for your practice? Those links are my favorite.

4. Celestial Seasonings Herbal Tea, Sleepytime

Now here’s a tea that doesn’t have to compete with coffee. I drink it at night and it knocks me to sleep like a baby. Or a fifth grader who drinks a cup of tea before bed. Or a grown-ass woman who needs a warm beverage before she can go to sleep. Hold the milk. They’ve also got honey or vanilla for those who like a little more flavor.

5. Need a baby gift?


MANY of my friends are starting to have babies and I’ve been attending lots of baby showers. After listening to my friend share about one of her least favorite gifts received, I had to go look these up. I, frankly, think these are HILARIOUS. Although I do understand why her baby only ends up in these onesies when her husband dresses the baby. But come on, these are funny. The perfect baby gift for that friend who is recently expecting. Baby Hulk! Yes!

No – I’m not pregnant.

Have a great month!

PS. Stay tuned for the Katie’s Felt Board round up which will go live probably this weekend.

Except When

On Saturday, when I told the ladies in my book group that I was giving up coffee, six loud voices retorted, “WHY?”

Why give up the nectar of the gods?

“Just switch to an Americano,” one said while another quickly spoke over her and said “Yeah, I had to break up with my white mochas too.”

Because at the end of December, when I was still in the holiday festivities and drinking eggnog lattes, my pants got tighter and I’m trying to cut back. That’s why. Sure I could run, but that’s more torturous than no coffee.

Because tea, as you now know, is supposed to be my new thing.

Except when, ugh, it’s not.

I’m ten days in and English Breakfast Tea with honey and milk is NOT AS GOOD AS A VANILLA LATTE. I’m a little tense. The caffeine headaches are real. I’ve got 21 days to go until I might just say… will probably say… screw this and invite my favorite beans back into my life.

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Photo by Mark Daynes on Unsplash

Trying to hold yourself to new standards is a beautiful thing. Except when those standards drive you crazy and instead turn into punishment.

This week we got a rather large dental bill. Dylan calls me Smaug, like from the Lord of the Rings books, because I prefer to watch my savings account slowly increase rather than spend on myself or use those resources to meet my needs. So when I saw the amount due, my stomach dropped and I began to get tense.

No coffee + large expense = tense

“Have gratitude that you have the resources to pay the bill,” my mother said as I griped to her about the cost of adulthood. Ah, she is so wise.

So I started chanting in my head – I’m grateful we have the resources to take care of ourselves and our bodies – and slowly the stomach ache fear that comes with big bills began to dissipate.

I believe that saving money is a beautiful thing.  Except when it’s not. When my obsession turns into stomach aches I have to remind myself to let resources flow. Turn over the money and say there will be more opportunities for funds and abundance to come our way.

And tonight, when we went out with Dylan’s new friends I tried really hard not to watch the clock as the minutes passed and the time spent away from the dog ticked by. Knowing Olive’s past track record with us being gone for long periods of time has led to destruction and mess. I sat over beers and had visions of our only good couch left torn to shreds, or Olive laying in a pile of the remains of our kitchen rug as she looks up me saying, “Well where the hell have you been?” I drove home quickly, even saying aloud, “Just a few more minutes Olive.” I opened the door expecting disaster and took a deep breath.

Nothing. No mess. All our furniture intact and a dog, very ready to go outside, smiling at me as if to say sure I make messes “Except when I don’t.”

So this week there is beauty in setting goals and freedom in saying maybe not. Beauty in having principles and penny pinching and grace for understanding that discipline led to provision.  Beauty found in being present rather than dwelling on the next pending disaster coming our way.

Beauty in remembering I get to live on the swing of life’s situations presented to me, swaying between yes, no, and except when with smiles on my face.