Fall

November 2018 – Favorite Things

We’ve raked leaves the past few weekends and we have two feet of the little guys crunching down into our garden bed for winter. My hands have blisters, we’ve taken trips to Lowes, and our new leaf blower is getting a work out. I fear I will have to rake again this weekend. Halloween is over and Starbucks releases their infamous Red Cups tomorrow.  Notice how I mark the passing of time with Starbucks beverages? Apparently, I’m not the only one as I came across this countdown yesterday.

I feel ready to think about the holidays, perhaps earlier than my usual self, and am starting to dream of snow, hot cocoa, and seasonal things. I usually wait until Thanksgiving to indulge in festivities, but this year feels different.

As we wait for December, here are some favorite things that are taking up space in my heart and my closet.

  1. Jag Jeans

When I first saw these pull-on jeans I started laughing. On the rack, they look like maternity pants. However, after a friends recommendation, I tried some on and on me, a person, they became the most comfortable pants I now own. So take them off the hanger, or just take my word for it, and buy a pair of black, comfort jeans in your size.

2. Pink Lipstick

I bought some frosty pink lipstick for my Halloween costume – Samantha from Sixteen Candles – and I actually kinda like it. The 80’s are coming back right? Can I wear it to work?

3. Hot Apple Cider with Brandy in it.

As the nights get colder, it’s nice to sit and sip by the fire. If you want to get fancy you can add spices, like this recipe here, but honestly I just mix the two simple ingredients. Serve in mugs like this.

4.  We were GIFTED a dishwasher.

Sometimes God answers prayers in mysterious ways. I have been praying to see God’s provision in my life because most of the time I have a hard time trusting it’s going to come. And then, boooooom, we were gifted a brand new (ok, two year old, but still) dishwasher.

God is present, listening, comforting, active, joy.

I had a conversation with a friend who told me, “God always comes in joy and peace.” Not shame, not fear, not feelings of inadequacy. Joy. and. Peace.

And dishwashers.

5. This blurb someone posted on Facebook.

I always fall asleep during Lord of the Rings, but this metaphor makes sense to me. I dream of turning into Pippin and Merry.

“My mother once told me that trauma is like Lord of the Rings. You go through this crazy, life-altering thing that almost kills you (like say having to drop the one ring into Mount Doom), and that thing by definition cannot possibly be understood by someone who hasn’t gone through it. They can sympathize sure, but they’ll never really know, and more than likely they’ll expect you to move on from the thing fairly quickly. And they can’t be blamed, people are just like that, but that’s not how it works.

Some lucky people are like Sam. They can go straight home, get married, have a whole bunch of curly headed Hobbit babies and pick up their gardening right where they left off, content to forget the whole thing and live out their days in peace. Lots of people however, are like Frodo, and they don’t come home the same person they were when they left, and everything is more horrible and more hard then it ever was before. The old wounds sting and the ghost of the weight of the one ring still weighs heavy on their minds, and they don’t fit in at home anymore, so they get on boats go sailing away to the Undying West to look for the sort of peace that can only come from within. Frodos can’t cope, and most of us are Frodos when we start out.

But if we move past the urge to hide or lash out, my mother always told me, we can become Pippin and Merry. They never ignored what had happened to them, but they were malleable and receptive to change. They became civic leaders and great storytellers; they we able to turn all that fear and anger and grief into narratives that others could delight in and learn from, and they used the skills they had learned in battle to protect their homeland. They were fortified by what had happened to them, they wore it like armor and used it to their advantage.

It is our trauma that turns us into guardians, my mother told me, it is suffering that strengthens our skin and softens our hearts, and if we learn to live with the ghosts of what had been done to us, we just may be able to save others from the same fate.”

S.T. Gibson

In an effort to turn my grief into narrative, or at least take away the stigma, I’ve joined The Dinner Party to raise money for their end of year campaign. Can you help me reach my goal of $500 to support grief groups for 20-30 somethings who have experienced loss? People like me?

All funds raised go towards their goal of $75,000 to match hundreds of folks to tables across the country as well as awareness events and public campaigns.

Donate here and spread the word.

 

Advertisements

Slightly cooler …

It’s supposed to get cold tonight. Nine degrees. Nine. When we left two weeks ago it was in the 80s. Now, I’m prepping for nine. Sometimes life shifts abruptly, at others it eases. I’m not ready for the shock of nine. So as I sit and gather your lists, I look out my kitchen window. Leaves turn yellow and the weather prepares to drop while I think about shivering, cozy blankets, and warm meals like lasagna and chili.

Thank you to the following contributors for sharing your beauty with me.

#403 The weather shifting into slightly cooler temperatures, promising cozy fall evenings to come
#404 Running into old friends out of the blue in random places!
#405 Strangers who say “bless you” when you sneeze, it’s a nice reminder that we’re all paying attention to each other and care
#406 Getting random discounts at my local coffee shop and wine store! Because who doesn’t love coffee and wine?
#407 Watching sunlight reflect off of rain-soaked streets and sidewalks
#408 Petting big pups outside of the local coffee shop
#409 Feeling successful at work after a long time of not feeling great about it
#410 Getting to know someone in a new relationship!
#411 Walking into a restaurant/store and realizing that it’s happy hour/50% off whatever you were going to buy
#412 Finding the perfect song(s) for your mood when you need them

#403 – #412 Contributed by Katie Myers

#413 I have a job that I can grow in
#414 And the opportunity to grow my own business and blog as well
#415 Family and Friends that love me
#416 A super sweet pup
#417 The beautiful Fall weather to enjoy
#418 The ability to release into my artwork
#419 Hot tea to curl up with
#420 Always a good book to read
#421 A great new car this year
#422 Food to eat everyday

#413 – #422 Contributed by Laura Romberger

#423 Fresh snow fall
#424 Watching Frozen with my girls
#425 Playing Candyland with a 3 year old
#426 Pumpkin spice flavor (now that it’s October)
#427 Prayer time
#428 Children napping at the same time
#429 fireplaces

#423 – #429 Contributed by Elizabeth Timpe

#430 being surrounded by Music
#431 a long conversation with an old friend
#432 When it rains, but the sun is still shining somehow
#433 Driving through a familiar place late at night when it’s empty and quiet and peaceful
#434 A song that perfectly articulates something you needed to hear

#430 – #434 Contributed by Laura Glyda

#435 I have an amazing and supportive family. Missing them as much as I do is a daily reminder of how much I adore them
#436  I have found a field of work that fulfills me and about which I am crazy passionate
#437 A cup of tea, a cozy blanket and a good book on a crisp fall day
#438 I have the means to pay for an apartment that is warm and safe and beautiful in one of the greatest cities in the world
#439 My body is healthy and it allows me to do the things that I love to do
#440 Dogs
#441 The fact that strangers let me pet their dogs as I talk to them on funny voices
#442 A beautiful soul that remains a bright spot in my life despite our recent break up
#443 I get be with my family to celebrate Thanksgiving this year
#445 Joining a CrossFit gym has allowed me to feel like an athlete again

#435 – #445 Contributed by Leah Wylie

#445 the first snow of the season
#446 Puppy cuddles near the fireplace
#447 Video games that make me feel like I’m still a kid
#448 Binging seasonal movies
#449 That way a good book magically transports you to another world
#450 Family and friends to share life with. 😊💕❄️

#445 – 450 Contributed by Carly Hennegan

#451 Having enough money to travel to a different country and explore a new place every year
#452 Having friends from other countries, visiting them in their countries, learn their culture and also bring them around at my home country.
#453 Having stayed overseas in Sweden for 6 months to learn how to be independent. In Singapore, most people stay with their parents until they move out to their own house with their spouse.
#454 Having a supportive family that encourage you to chase your dreams and to help me up when I’m down.
#455 Having a lot of different cuisines in my country. Good food makes me happy and I’m lucky that my country has great food.

#451 – #455 Contributed by Chee Zhiquan


We are so close to 500! With only a few days left of the challenge, I invite you to share your list of 5-10 things going well in your world right now. More details are here. Tag a friend and spread the word!

Healthy It May Not Be

Fall is falling. I looked out my kitchen window this weekend, and the cascading crunchies covered our lawn. Until yesterday, we did not own a rake. We quickly solved that predicament with a trip to the local hardware store, and our Sunday afternoon turned into a lovely time to work on projects, chores, and maintenance of the season. Dylan raked the yard and with the way the winds are blowing, he will likely have to do it again next week. I know, I know, I’ve mentioned my love of this month repeatedly, but there is something magical about the four weeks of the year that make up October. We’ve only got one full week left – are you taking the chance to savor it?

Beauty exists in carving pumpkins- the slime of orange goop dripping down your hands as you balance a knife between your fingertips. Oh! And the delayed gratification that comes from the promise of tasty pumpkin seed snacks roasting in the oven. This weekend we joined family to make treats of caramel apples, and popcorn balls, and little morsels of chocolate. My counter at home is buzzing with sugar asking to be eaten and I find comfort in the beauty of this season’s ritual, routine, and tradition. This year has brought a multitude of unanticipated changes – mostly good for our lives. As I navigate these self-directed detours I take comfort in knowing that I, too, can create some predictability. Carving pumpkins near Halloween? You can count on it. Eating candy corn, making pumpkin bread – these are the activities that ground me as I look around and say the world is changing yet again.

12182517_1188522441174442_6739154185242559615_o

This week we have had three full days of cloudy drizzle, and I can say with confidence that I have brought out my cowl, and am wearing cowboy boots, and look forward to my North Face puffy jacket becoming a part of my daily routine. I wear this coat from November to March. It’s a well-loved staple for my transition to fall. Fancy Sunday dinners may become a part of our routine as we head into dark evenings, cozy socks and fire places. Do you have any “fine Sunday night dinner” recipes you can share with me? I made this one last night and it was delicious. Healthy it may not be, but gravy sure is a beautiful thing. Wine and sage and thyme, chicken broth and cream. Yum.

I’m nearing the two year mark for this blog, and I sometimes have trouble coming up with original content because I’m noticing themes in my journey to seek beauty. I love books, coffee, and treats, time with family, self-exploration, and get-away vacations. I seem to gravitate towards these things when I feel low and just as often when I feel energized and beautiful myself. These trends bring great awareness, and great potential, as I have the ability to influence their presence in my life all by myself. As you walk through the crunching leaves ask yourself this question – “What beauty can I manifest for myself that helps me to maintain stability as the world spins madly on?”

Just How Lovely It Is

photo-6

I saw this picture today. Somebody posted it on Facebook. Is it a picture? It’s not quite a meme. I don’t know. It caught my attention. I’ve always been a lover of Fall. The pumpkin spice lattes, the crisp leaves, the perfect temperature with brisk mornings and sunny afternoons. October is my favorite month. I’ve got the pumpkin carving planned, and the chili in the crockpot even though it’s still over seventy five degrees. Stereotypical white girls get made fun of for their pursuit of coffee and scarves and boots and the delightful crisp air. No one really mentions death. Then I came across this picture. It speaks shocking truth. Sometimes, things have to die, and we have to let go, and that process is beautiful.

Ahh, here comes the extended nature metaphor. Really though, I’ve been thinking about change and how it sneaks up on us, and I’ve been reflecting on where we’ve been and where we are going. This week, I celebrated one year at my current job. One year of stability in location and yet, a year of amazing change in an organization. Good change, but at times emotional, and challenging, and questioning change. I can’t believe a year has passed since my tearful days of a nightmare job and extreme anxiety about what I was going to do with my life. I can’t believe I’ve been living back in my hometown almost eleven months. I can’t believe we planned a wedding, and I got married, and the single version of myself has died.

I’ve had to embrace the discomfort and I’ve found by letting go of what was, I can be more immersed in what is. What is continues to be good. It seems extreme to say that old ways of understanding my position in life have died – that word, death, has really strong connotations. It’s true though, isn’t it, how sometimes I have to let how things used to be die to become the next version of myself. That makes me sad, especially when how things used to be included some of my favorite people on earth, and a sense of self that I was very good at settling into. The end of a chapter, so to speak.

And rebirth, I believe, comes from the ability to say to myself, ‘Wow, I’m rather sad that chapter was over, that piece of my life complete, that death has occurred’, but isn’t that really where life lies? So complex and yet so simplistically true. What beauty lies in those flaming trees of color, in the promise of loveliness in such a tragic process.

From that mountain drive I mentioned last week

From that mountain drive I mentioned last week

This week, when I stopped to think about beautiful things, I was struggling to come up with one specific thing to write about. Except for the leaves of course, but honestly, I just came across that a few minutes ago. Here are some moments I enjoyed as well. I feel wrong leaving you to ponder beauty in death. Perhaps beauty in transition that sometimes requires us to admit that things end, chapters close, and life as you know it, may die. That doesn’t mean death has to be final. That seems more appropriate.

– My friend from college got married this weekend. What a joy it is to have a reunion with five girls so central to my life as supports in friendship and in prayer.

– I saw a bystander call an ambulance for a homeless man who was struggling. People do care about one another when you stop to take a look.

– Dylan bought me flowers for our one month anniversary. It was sweet. I like being a newlywed.

– I got my wedding pictures back. Holy schamoley, these things are gorgeous. If you need a wedding photographer, I strongly recommend Jamie Fischer, out of Boulder. Check her out here

What things are you having to let die to move on. Does this process feel excruciating, or maybe, just a little bit lovely?